Both Funny Ha Ha and Funny Ouch

Well, I just got off the phone with Miss J. who is sick with the flu and so is not coming down to see my fabulous theatrical reading of cooter facts, both good and bad.

This brings the sum total of people I know who are coming to see me in The Vagina Monologues to 0.

Yes, zero.

It’s kind of funny in a really pathetic way.

Okay, no. It’s very funny.

I mean, it’s not so funny for The Vagina Monologues, which is a fund-raiser for an actual good and helpful charity and so, you know, could use the ticket sales.

But funny for me in a humbling way. Even with promises of cooter talk and my good bra, I could not talk one person who knows me in real life into spending a fabulous evening at the theater.

Yep. I suck.

Well, shit. Maybe if I buy a ticket for the Butcher, he’ll come. I mean, he’s got to be over on that side of town anyway, because he’ll have to give me a ride home.

And yes, that would be really funny, too, if it weren’t happening to me.

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13 thoughts on “Both Funny Ha Ha and Funny Ouch

  1. I’d definitely pre-party with the butcher and show up, but I’m already committed to a wedding party thing for one of my co-workers.

    Good luck with it. Break a hymen!

  2. I’m sorry that I have to add to the litany of: “I can’t attend because…”but I’m going to St.Louis to babysit #1 niece this weekend. If we were in town though, she(18mos) and I would both be there. You gotta start that feminist self-awareness early.

  3. Since it’s a fund raiser, they should run it like one of those benefit bike rides or walkathons. People can send you pledges just to do it, even if they can’t be in the audience to watch you do it.

    Break a whatever’s appropriate!

  4. B.,

    If I had someone to watch the Boy, I would most definitely be there to support you. Or, well…I would probably be at the Mercy Lounge seeing Leon Russell, but that is beside the point.

    Best of luck to you–I know you’ll be great. Above all, have fun and be proud.

    Ryan

  5. Oh, I wish I could go. :( I’m flat broke, though, and no babysitter, either. I wish this had happened last weekend, I had money AND jim was off. :(

  6. It’s all right, y’all. Folks are busy. I know. Mostly I’m just bummed because I wanted someone from my family to be there. Because I am a big baby.

  7. Damn. I wish I still lived in Nashville and then I would come to the Cooter Monologues not only for the “cooter” talk but not enough can be said for a good bra, which is extremely important.

  8. Fritz, there’s nothing quite as graphic as what I put you through at lunch. There are parts that are really heart-wrenching to sit through and there’s a great piece about women’s orgasms and one about birth that might make you squirm a little bit.

    But there aren’t any actual cooters. So, if I had to guess, I would think you’d be very uncomfortable, but glad that you saw it once, so that you’d know what the hubub was about.

  9. Aunt b, you know I’d be there. If I didn’t live over a 24 hour drive away.

    Which monologue are you doing? Are you calling it “rehearsal” yet? Do you need me to teach you any vocal warm ups? Don’t forget to masturbate before you perform. Probably at home when you get out of the shower is best…not at the theatre…although. I’ve done that too…

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