Why I Changed My Mind

So, the Professor and I are probably going over on Thursday at least for a little bit, even though I remain convinced it will do no good and I will soon live in a state that will force me to involve my doctor in my decision to procure a dildo to stick in my cooter but won’t let my doctor and I make the decisions about what comes out of my cooter.

I have half a mind to pull an Annie Sprinkle and prop myself up in front of the legislature with a speculum and a flashlight. I mean, if they’re so keen on overseeing my vagina, why shouldn’t I let them get a good look? You can’t oversee what you can’t see, I always say*.

Anyway, why I’m going, even though they’re going to strip me of my right to privacy and my ability to stroll through the Hollywood Hustler gawking at the pig tail butt plugs**–because, at the end of the day, this comes down to whether or not I’m a full citizen.

It’s like I was saying over at Kleinheider’s before I was so rudely interrupted:

When you advocate for a legal position that says that life begins at conception, what you’re doing in reality is turning fertile women into a group of potential criminals that need to be monitored by the state at all times.

And you’re also creating a protected class of citizens, something you conservatives are usually loathe to do. But I’m beginning to understand that affirmative action is fine as long as it’s for fetuses.

Y’all both want to argue that fetuses are people deserving of the same rights as any other person under the law (including the right to life) and that they’re a special case that requires curtailing a woman’s liberty in order to let them have their rights.

Well, forgive me if I’m not convinced by your arguments. You want to make a moral argument, fine. I’m actually open to moral arguments against abortion.

But once you start saying “B., your inalienable rights to life, liberty, and the pursuit of happiness are actually alienable by this special class of people according to the law,” you’re going to meet resistance by me.

Am I a full citizen with real rights that cannot be curtailed by the government willy-nilly or am I still some kind of half-citizen that only has rights as long as it doesn’t bother folks or get in the way of the fetal class?

Because, at the end of the day, if a fetus wants to be a citizen with full rights, then the fetus is going to have to deal with the consequences of the fact that sometimes its needs and my needs are in direct opposition.

And folks, this is really what it comes down to for me. Am I a full citizen or am I not? Because a full citizen, when his needs and desires come in conflict with another citizen’s, has the right to make the choices that he feels are best for him, even if they upset or inconvenience the other citizen***. Yes, sometimes it’s necessary for the judicial system to step in and decide who has more of a claim to which right, but that’s on an individual level.

We tend to think that we don’t make laws anymore that say “The rights of this group of people always and in all but the most extreme circumstances trump the rights of that group of people,” but that’s what’s happening with this bout of anti-abortion legislation.

They’re going to pass it anyway. Like I said, they really need to show that they’ve done something to “clean up this state” and they aren’t about to impose meaningful reform on themselves, so why not impose on me in order to distract voters?

I guess there comes a time when a girl’s got to say, if you don’t think I’m really a citizen of this state (or country), at least have the balls to tell me that to my face. So, I’m going over to at least show them that I noticed that they don’t think I’m a full citizen of Tennessee.

*Well, I don’t. But if I became a sex activist, I totally would.
**I wonder if they’ll outlaw handheld shower heads. They’ll get that away from me when they pry it from my cold dead cooter, let me tell you.
***Isn’t that right, gun nuts?