The Kiss on the Forehead Revisited

I’ve noticed that I’ve been getting a lot of hits from searches for “kiss on the forehead what does it mean?” or variations. And today, I find this plaintive cry for help from the comments on that old post. Please excuse her spelling. I’m sure it’s due to the entire ordeal she’s been put through.

a guy told me a kiss on the forehead means more on than a kiss on the lips i think that is crap he claims it means alot more in the way of security and comfort and “all that” whatever all that means to him whne i asked hiom what his lip definition was then he said it was not as important as the forehead and that i didnt udnerstand coz ihadnt experienced it properly HELP what does he mean

Now, I don’t often give advice to strangers, because strangers don’t know me well enough to know that I am full of shit. But my heart goes out to this chick and I am going to tell her a cold, hard truth.

The only men who can kiss you on the forehead without deserving to be smacked upside the head with whatever you are holding in your hand, preferably a brick, are the men who are related to you.

A kiss on the forehead from a man who is related to you says, “Hey, I adore you and think you’re swell.”

Sometimes, a tall man can kiss you on the forehead without it being a dick move, because it’s the tall man equivalent of kissing you on the cheek. It says, “I like you, and think you’re swell. I’m not that sure if you’re going to let me stick my tongue in your mouth and feel your tits, so I thought I’d try this and see if you smack me upside the head with a brick. If you don’t, next time, I’m going to kiss you on the lips and see how that goes.”

But, by and large, the kiss on the forehead is the most bullshit kind of kiss ever invented. It’s a way for cowardly men to co-opt a kiss best left to grandmas when you fall down and older brothers when you get your PhD.

Anonymous, let’s look at your situation, especially. The good thing about the fucktard you’re dealing with is that he’s being mostly honest with you. He’s told you exactly why some men love the forehead kiss–“he claims it means a lot more in the way of security and comfort and ‘all that’.”

This is true. The weaselly thing he’s doing is to claim that YOU don’t understand that because YOU just haven’t “experienced it properly.” Oh, no, my friend. You have experienced it plenty properly enough. You’re absolutely right that a kiss on the lips means more than a kiss on the forehead. Clearly.

This is not YOUR problem. This is HIS problem. He likes the kiss on the forehead because it’s more secure and comfortable for him. He gets to get close enough to you to smell you, to feel your body up against his, and to imagine, briefly, what it would be like if he were to really kiss you. But he never has to put himself on the line. He doesn’t have to worry about you rejecting him or laughing at him or the problems that might come with you not doing either of those things.

He gets to show you physical affection in a way you can’t reciprocate.

I mean, seriously. If he thinks being kissed on the forehead is so great, try doing it to him. I’ll bet you a dollar he’ll be all “What the fuck does that mean?” same as you.

So, trust your gut. It is a dick move. A kiss on the forehead from a guy you’re not related to usually means “I’m a cowardly fucktard who loves how you smell and feel and likes to imagine what it would be like to be with you, but not enough to put myself out there. Probably because I already have a girlfriend or wife.”

I hope this helps.

14 thoughts on “The Kiss on the Forehead Revisited

  1. It’s a kiss you give to a feverish child after she threw up and you can’t bear to kiss her on the mouth. It’s a kid sister kiss, deployed at those awkward moments when a hug alone seems insufficient (like when you inform her that Dad died while she was driving to the hospital). It’s the kiss you use at the end of the evening to fill the pause between an earnest “I had a really good time” and a vague “Yeah, me too…I’ll call you sometime.”

    The forehead kiss is a huge blinking sign that says “he’s just not that into you.”

  2. I think this kind of forehead kiss sounds kind of condescending too, like a damn pat on the head (Grr, I’m short and don’t appreciate pats on the head!) He sounds like he could be one of those overbearing, manipulative, wants-to-be-your-daddy, but-in-a-BAD-way kind of guys. But perhaps I’m basing that on irritating previous experiences.
    I thought your advice was great as usual, Aunt B.

  3. When we put our lips on your forehead, we are using our lips to read your minds. A kiss on the forehead lets us find out your ATM Pin number, your thoughts bi-sexuality and threesomes, and whether you are considering putting our penis in your mouth. It is just a pragmatic maneuver to get us ahead in life and keep feminism under control.

  4. Holy shit. What’s with the pent up hostility on this? B shared the source of hers in that last post, what’s the story for the rest of you?

  5. No hostility. Bullshit isn’t roses, that’s all.

    Thanks, NK, for pointing out the alien brainsucker overtones. Yet another reason to vote no.

  6. You know, I was just about to suggest that Exador and W. gather us all together and kiss us on the foreheads so that we could see how wonderful it is when done right, but considering that neither of them managed to kiss me during “Kiss an Engineer” week, I’m not about to pull together another opportunity for smooches only to have them not take advantage of it.

  7. My plane gets in at 1:30 on Sunday. You can take me to a late lunch and give me all the smooches you want.

  8. A forehead kiss, though usually insulting or ambiguous for all the reasons you mentioned, can also be extremely meaningful.

    Say you’re in a relationship, and you have a friend that is desperately in love with you and though you know deep down that you could never actually be with him you can’t help but love the guy. After you say something especially adorable, he looks at you with that painful gaze and you know that if you were single you’d SO be making out right now, but he respects you and your relationship so he kisses your forehead because he can’t kiss you anywhere else and it allows him to be close enough to you that you can both wonder ‘what if’.

    Not that that’s ever happened.

  9. PIN stands for “Personal Identification Number.” So a PIN Number would be a “Personal Identification Number Number.”

  10. Anonymous, in a comment filled with kissing, blow jobs, threesomes, and a diss on feminism, you really managed to focus on that minor detail? I’m not sure I’d admit that in public.

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