In Which I Confess My True Feelings for the Legal Eagle

Back when we were in college, I admit, I had a little crush on the Legal Eagle. Not as big as the crush I had on his brother, but they’re a charming lot–the Eagles. Dangerously over-armed, all married to women with the same first name, prone to drunken inappropriateness, but charming nevertheless. And smart.

How could I resist?

It’s funny because I knew both the Legal Eagle and the Shill in college, but they didn’t really meet until our libertarian friend decided to run off to Asia, which was after I was already in grad school.

I missed that meeting, though I hear that it happened while one of our friends was peeing himself while passed out drunk, so I’m always a little sorry I missed that party.

That’s how it is with the Shill, though. She’s always almost doing things.

She’s almost going to show up for class on the day you have a joint report to give. She’s almost going to meet her future husband, but she’s shut herself up in another room with a boy who’s got no future with her and doesn’t know it yet. And so on.

If she ever does anything, it always seems somewhat inadvertent. She sold me my first car, the beloved Cavalier, which I ran into the ground, literally. I bought it right after college and it died parked right out front here. Anyway, she sold me her car as some kind of afterthought before she ran away to New York City. Later, she was inadvertently dating our libertarian friend without knowing it.

And now that I think about it, I’m not sure she even ever lived in the same city as the Legal Eagle before they got married. That was just a minor detail, not something to stand in the way of her doing what she wanted.

And now?

Now she’s pregnant. I hear it happened inadvertently, which is exactly what I’d expect. I’m predicting that the baby will not be born at the hospital. I imagine she’ll be at work, she’ll go into labor, and she’ll call the Legal Eagle and tell him to meet her at the hospital.

Then, she’ll decide she needs to call her mom or go for ice cream or, maybe, call Dr. Schultz and finally give her half of the presentation, and before you know it, it’ll be some paramedic or taxi driver delivering the baby on the side of the road.

Whatever happens, it’s going to be hilarious and I cannot wait to hear about it over beers.

4 thoughts on “In Which I Confess My True Feelings for the Legal Eagle

  1. After hanging out around here for a year, I am firmly convinced that one of the things that makes a guy charming in your eyes is drunken inappropriateness.

  2. This thing better be born in a hospital… I am in no way keen to experience the joys of natural childbirth.

    I would be insulted by the way I’ve been characterized here except that everything is true. And LE and I didn’t live in the same city until two months before the wedding. And he was studying for the bar, so it was like he wasn’t there.

    But it will be hilarious.

  3. W., you know, I hadn’t thought of that, but you’re totally right. I love me some drunken inappropriateness.

    Shill, it’s going to be so hilarious. And, of course, I’d love it if you named the baby in honor of me. Tiny Cat Pants Eagle. We can call it Tiny for short.

  4. Personally, I still feel cheated that I missed the Shill’s part of the presentation. That’s what’s been missing from my educational experience all these years.

    Also, many congratulations to the Shill and LE!

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