The Little Fantasy that Get Me Through the Day

Sometimes, when I’m sitting in here eating my peanut butter and jelly sandwich, I imagine a better life for myself.

It’s very similar to this one, except that someone is paying me to write, the Butcher has a car, we live in a little house I own, and I regularly have lunch with Ludacris down at the Country Music Hall of Fame. Lunching with Ludacris is the part of the daydream I spend the most time in.

I like to imagine what he’ll have and what I’ll have. We’d people watch. We’d wave at folks who looked at us strangely, wondering what that famous rapper was doing just eating at the Country Music Hall of Fame. We’d ask that guy with the guitar to play something we could sing along to.

After a few lunches, we’d come to have a kind of shorthand way of talking about all the types of people who hang out in the Hall of Fame, and he’d kind of gesture as someone came by, say something like “She’s embarrassing her kids” and I’d look over and almost choke on my Diet Coke.

And after a while, the folks at the Hall of Fame would realize that we were eating there frequently and beg us to take a look inside. Most days, we’d have shit to do. But sometimes, we’d take the tour. And it’d be weird, but nice.

Inadvertently Sad for Sharon Stone

The Wayward Boy Scout has posted about Sharon Stone’s weird sex advice for girls*.

Stone says:

Young people talk to me about what to do if they’re being pressed for sex? I tell them oral sex is a hundred times safer than vaginal or anal sex. If you’re in a situation where you cannot get out of sex, offer a blow job. I’m not embarrassed to tell them.

Our friend the Boy Scout retorts:

If I had a daughter, I think my teaching would be more along the line of standard self defense accompanied with a healthy dose of “be your own person and don’t let some pissant boy make you do something you don’t want to do”, as opposed to the “offer a blowjob before bending over for the forced anal” school of thought.

And I agree, wholeheartedly. Really, I don’t know how young my audience skews, but boys and girls, if you “cannot get out of sex,” you are being raped. Now, if you are being raped, good fucking god, do whatever you can to get through it as safely as you can. And I will fight anyone who tells you differently. But bargaining down to a “lesser” sex act to keep from having to have sex? As if that’s just a nonchalant way to deal with being pressured to do something you don’t want to do?

Someone needs to set Stone straight and ask her to stop talking to young people. Good lord.

But the side thing that disturbs me is that it sounds like this is something Stone has done and feels fine about having done. That’s just a glimpse into the way her world works that makes me feel kind of sad and weirded out.

*Can I just say there’s something about seeing the Boy Scout thinking big feminist thoughts that makes me feel a little ooky about constantly teasing him. I don’t know why that is. Maybe it’s a fair trade–he’s corrupted me with his naughtiness and I’ve corrupted him with my feminism–but I feel like I should now apologize about openly discussing how big his penis is.

Sorry, Wayward Boy Scout. I hope this will make it up to you.

Babies Killing Babies

I don’t know what it is, but today just seems to be the day of baby women killing the babies dependent on them for life.

First we had the baby woman in Egypt who was smote to death by God for aborting the baby growing from her head.

And now we have an evil Pakistani baby woman who had two fetuses removed from her uterus. Sure, the doctors claim those fetuses were dead, but even so, today’s events set a dangerous precedent. Perhaps there should be some kind of investigation to see if this baby woman was perhaps negligent during her pregnancy, thus contributing to the deaths of the babies in her womb.

And sure, the Egyptian baby woman is dead, but certainly we can demand the Egyptian government hold her doctors accountable for the death of the person dependent on her.

I’m sure our darling Kleinheider would agree. We’ve got to stop this dangerous trend of baby woman baby killers before it gets out of hand.

Who’s with me? Kleinheider?