Reason #2 We Don’t Have Farting Contests With Children

"Aunt B.? Aunt B.? Can you bring me new underpants?"

"What happened to the underpants you had on? Put those back on."

"No. They have dookie in them."

"Fair enough."

"Will you wipe me?"

"You can wipe yourself."

"No I can’t. It’s a big mess."

And folks, yes, yes it was. We just did without wiping and went straight up to the bath. It seemed the only feasible solution to a terrible problem.

So, okay, no more farting contests with the nephews, at least not until they get a little older.

6 thoughts on “Reason #2 We Don’t Have Farting Contests With Children”

I have a freaky story about this. (Hell, I have freaky story about most things)I flew to Vermont to visit a friend that was in the hospital. I met his girlfriend and she invited me to stay with her while I was in town. On the way from the hospital, we had to stop at a her friend’s house to pass on news about our injured friend.We stop. I meet the adults. They all go into the other room for a minute (to get clothes to go with us or something). While I’m standing there alone, a four year old boy (their kid) walks into the room and tells me that he needs help zipping up. I, VERY awkwardly, help this kid zip up, the whole time, I’m TERRIFIED the kid’s parents are going to walk in and wonder what the hell this complete stranger is doing with their kid.Thankfully, I got the kid zipped up before anybody came back in.I don’t think I’ve ever been so scared.

Did you read what’s going on at Vanderbilt ? It may be related to this

It was 1999. I had just bought a Jetta. It was candy apple red and I had saved my money to buy it.I put my (then four) year old niece in the back seat to drive around the neighborhood in my brand new car.She was in her jammies and unknown to me, she had no drawers on under her gown.She left a skid mark. Imagine my surprise when I noticed a couple of hours later.Arrgh.We have not let her live it down.And I’m still traumatized.