His Life Sucks, So Why Don’t I Feel Better?

Shug sent me a link to the myspace page of the guy who stalked me for four years.  I shouldn’t have looked–no good can come of it–but I did.

He claims he misses sitting on the porch with me.

He also works at Starbucks, is divorced, and still lives in the little town he lived in when I knew him.

I’ve got nothing to say in the face of that. 

I always thought I’d feel better if I knew his life sucked. 

But instead, my first thought was “Fuck me.  He’s on the internet.  I bet he can find me.  Yes, because some fucker posted my real name and home address here at this site, somewhere in Google’s cache, my real name is linked to this stuff.  Which means, he could be reading this right now.”

That bothers me.

It really bothers me that he still thinks about me.

It really, really bothers me that I still think about him.

It really, really, really bothers me that I’m still a little afraid of him.

10 thoughts on “His Life Sucks, So Why Don’t I Feel Better?

  1. For the record, I did a search on google using your real name, and it isn’t linked to your blog in any way. At least not in the first 20 pages.In all cases the troll outing was pulled within a few minutes of posting, so I think the googlebots missed it.

  2. I had to hide from a controlling ex for a while and you never really get over that mindset. I am still very careful that my name is not "Google-able" and I search for and remove any references to me or personal information that I can find listed on the web. He could still find me, if he wants to spend some money, but it wouldn’t be easy. Since you’re in another town, he probably can’t afford the gas money to be any concern here.Sarcastro-how much worse could it be? Significant weight gain (orca style) and bad male pattern baldness denial along with perhaps really thick glasses that make it impossible for him to use the internet.

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