Since the whole family is descending on my house like a swarm of nit-picky locusts, I had to do something drastic to deflect the nit-picking from me to someone else. The poor recalcitrant brother!
As previously mentioned, we’re going to this fundraiser on Saturday, the whole lot of them–the Butcher, Manny, and the recalcitrant brother. And the recalcitrant brother was hemming and hawing about going, claiming that he didn’t have a dress shirt or tie.
So, of course, I called Dad. And now he’s all convinced that, when they get here, they’ll have to be sure to get the recalcitrant brother a proper shirt.
Because is there anything more annoying than having others buy dress clothes for you? As if you’re so uncouth you need someone with a little class to help you out?
God. It’s just a small thing, but if they can spend even a half an hour worrying over his clothes and whether he’s going out properly attired, that’s a half an hour reprieve for me.
There was a time when I’d feel bad about pulling shit like that. That time was before I learned that the boys were sneaking out back to smoke up during family holidays, leaving me the stone cold sober one.
Tiny Cat Pants 
your people are obviously NOT Southern.
Some of my people are coming down this weekend for gay pride. Hence I will most likely be missing the fundraiser. Perhaps they can help with the shirt-buying. It could be all "Queer Eye for The Recalcitrant Guy."
Stash booze around the house, especially in the bathroom. When my inlaws visit, Mrs Schwartz has little bottles of wine hidden all over.Her father starts making asshole comments, and she’s off the the bathroom to "freshen up".
That’s true, Elizabeth. I’ve seen Plimco and Dr. J’s family in action. They would just divvy up the meddling so that all children could be sufficiently meddled with at all times, rather than sticking together and focusing all of their energy on one child at a time.Coble, I hope those idiots who were protesting the Hustler store don’t hassle your people. Ha, let us also hope that no one will be wearing a tie purchased from the Hustler store.Exador, your wife is brilliant!
B, I’ll sneak out back and smoke with you any time.
We joke that we have a collection of hip flasks in our family for family situations that might require covert drinking. Although, we’ve never actually deployed them, I know between my sister’s household and mine, we have a lot of flasks. Let me know if you want me to overnight any of them. I’m especially proud of mine because it is engraved with a phrase involving (horror of horrors) curse words, but the Mathlete has a double chambered one that some members of the family appreciate for the idea that they could mix drinks in their mouth if they had to. Plus, we have a lot of regular ones around here too. We live to serve your covert drinking needs.