This week the girls at the feminist indoctrination camp learned an important lesson. I don’t know if they heard it. I wouldn’t have at that age. I’m still not very good at hearing it now. But I think it’s the truth and so I share it with you:
You are constantly teaching people how to treat you.
See, I told you this feminist indoctrination shit was good.
I was thinking about that with Roger Abramson today. Y’all might remember that we had a little… let’s call it a misunderstanding. I’d written a post back at blogspot and at the end of the post, I told about how I was almost raped. Brittney quoted the beginning of the post, which was pretty self-contained, over at Nashville is Talking. I mention that it was pretty self-contained because, in retrospect, I can see how a man might think it was the whole post.
Which, I think, clearly, Abramson did. And so he started critiquing what was at NiT as if it were the whole thing and I started getting pissed off because I just assumed that he’d read the whole thing. And then he made the unfortunate mistake of saying something along the lines of, if you aren’t clear about your intentions, you get what you deserve. Again, clearly, in retrospect, it was obvious that he meant that I wasn’t being clear about my intentions in my writing.
For those of you who read me and have had to come to terms with my "let’s figure this shit out at we go" style, I think you can appreciate that it sometimes breeds misunderstanding.
But I thought he’d read the whole post here and was saying that, based on his judgment, I deserved to be almost raped.
As you can imagine, it was a long, long time before I didn’t want to stab him right in the chest and eat his heart right in front of his eyes while he laid dying under my feet.
But, eventually, my white hot rage subsided and I realized what had happened, that he hadn’t even read my whole post, and, though I wasn’t going to give him the satisfaction of knowing that I read him, I put him on bloglines and kept track of what he was up to, even though I thought we’d probably never share a civil word again.
Y’all know what?
He wrote me and apologized to me. I know for certain he doesn’t know why I was so pissed at him, because I went straight past trying to explain clear into I will cut you and then subsided into don’t ever come near me without making sure that he understood why.
He just knew something wasn’t right between us and he wanted to fix it.
I honestly think that takes such balls–to approach someone you know is hostile towards you though you don’t know why and to try to make it right*.
I’ve just been thinking how honored and lucky I am to know you and how y’all have taught me so much and are continually teaching me. I look at Peg and Bridgett and even when I know that, if anyone’s going to call me on my shit, it’s going to be one or the other of them, I just feel really glad to know such brilliant, funny, strong women.
And look at Lee and W. always ready to demand I explain myself. I only hope I make them half as uncomfortable and unsettled.
Ha, look at me, getting all mushy on you guys. I just feel honored to know you and to have you here. I guess y’all probably know that, but I thought I’d tell you anyway.
We’re lucky to live in a time when we can make such deep and yet ephemeral connections to each other.
Well, this may be my most disjointed post ever, but what can you do?
*Which is also why I find this whole "Is Roger Abramson conservative enough or will we run him off?" controversy to be so hysterical. Yes, purge the folks who are trying to do right, even when it’s difficult; that makes good sense.