“A gloriously repugnant display of elitism and snobbery.”

Y’all it is wrong to take pleasure from watching conservatives turn on each other, but clearly, I’m already an immoral, godless, heathen, commie liberal pinko fag man-hating feminist bitch and so what’s “who enjoys watching conservatives turn on each other” when added to that list?


It’s like saying “She kills nuns and sucks the brains right out of newborn babies AND she kind of doesn’t get the appeal of Rush*.”


So, first there was the whole “Let’s have some proof that Roger Abramson really is a conservative and not some faker.”  (And folks, I know y’all think that being a conservative is just so great, all Lee Greenwood and Toby Keith concerts and heterosexual sex and puppies and kittens and women doing the dishes while men kill spiders and otherwise keep the home safe, but believe me, those of us who are not conservative are in no hurry to disguise ourselves as such.  From your perspective, it may seem like the best way to live, ever.  But from our perspective, it seems to require a lot of time doing shit that just doesn’t seem to be that fun–like defending Santorum.  We are not secretly pretending to be you, believe me.)


And now the youngsters have turned out to call the old man names.  I’ve become aware that conservatives like using animal stories to talk about human behavior, so, if I may, let me tell you a little something about how the animal kingdom works.  Often a strong, powerful male will gain control of all of the resources in an area–food, water, women, the remote control, etc.  And the young upstart males will have to hold back kind of at the edge of the group but not really, because, if the old man sees them, he’ll either run them off or have them for dinner.


Now, granted, if the young men ever want the resources for themselves, they’re going to have to challenge the old man for his spot.


But you’ve got to choose your moment.  And, boys, today is not it.


Anyway, it’s rapidly becoming clear to me that the Republican party is split into two divisions–the fabulously stupid and the folks who secretly consider themselves libertarians–and that it’s fun to watch those two groups duke it out.


Who will win and who will give up and leave the party?


It’s better than anything on TV right now.


 


 


 


*The band, not the drug-addled shock jock.

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8 thoughts on ““A gloriously repugnant display of elitism and snobbery.”

  1. "And folks, I know y’all think that being a conservative is just so great, all Lee Greenwood and Toby Keith concerts and heterosexual sex and puppies and kittens and women doing the dishes while men kill spiders and otherwise keep the home safe, but believe me, those of us who are not conservative are in no hurry to disguise ourselves as such. From your perspective, it may seem like the best way to live, ever. But from our perspective, it seems to require a lot of time doing shit that just doesn’t seem to be that fun–like defending Santorum. We are not secretly pretending to be you, believe me."HAHAHAHAI love you. Let’s make babies.

  2. We would have some damn cute kids–all curly-haired, with nice eyes and big tits. But with our luck, in order to rebel against us, they’d be all upstanding Republican accountants or engineers…

  3. And you just know that we’d go to the trouble of doing something cool like naming them after ice cream brands (I’m thinking Blue Bunny and Ben & Jerry) and they’d come home from college and be all like "Moms, oops, we mean sinners, we don’t want you to call us by your hippy names any more. I’m Amelia Claudette Kleinheider and this is Alan Conrad Kleinheider. If you can’t accept that, we’ll just have to spend Thanksgiving with The Almighty Conservative Kleinheider instead."

  4. Actually, the "libertarians pretending to be Republicans" (of whom I’m one) just admit that we’re part of the "stupid party".

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