Things Bringing Folks to Tiny Cat Pants

Someone landed here searching for “suck my aunt.”  I’m sorry.  That’s just hilarious.  I would retire “suck my butt” and switch to “suck my aunt” if I wasn’t slightly suspicious that it’s slang for something involving old women and a tube of Preparation H.


Also, someone ended up here looking for threesomes in middle Georgia.  I am so the last person you want to be asking for threesome recommendations.


And, someone was looking for Mrs. Wigglebottom.  If only she could type.  She could have a blog full of “rooroo” and “yarpk yarpk yarpk” and pictures taken from her perspective, hiding under the computer table, which would contain only dust bunnies, sleeping cats, and my feet, and I’m sure she’d have the most popular blog in the world.  That girl’s got charm.

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In Defense of Kleinheider, Kind Of

I spent a great deal of Saturday mulling over Kleinheider.  On Friday, Fritz post his smack-down and today Sharon Cobb posts it again.


I don’t know what the intended outcome of this is supposed to be.  Are we all supposed to read this and suddenly realize, “my god, that Kleinheider is a jackass” or are we supposed to read this and be all “That Kleinheider is a jackass and he ‘should be’ a liability to WKRN.”?  Do you get what I’m saying?  Is this an informative piece or a call to action?


Because, if it’s an informative piece, I have all kinds of mundane questions like, “Considering that the Bush administration saw a memo back in August of 2001 titled something like ‘Bin Ladin determined to attack in the United States,’ why would it be a surprise if Israel had similar warning?  We should have known something was coming.  Why is it anti-Israeli to think that they might have also thought something was coming?” and “Kleinheider also has his head up his butt about women.  Why are his supposed anti-Semitic views and his clear homophobia more outrageous than his boneheaded views on women?”  But, in general, good for Fritz for writing something that’s got me thinking.


But if it’s a call to action?  Count me out. 


Listen, it sucks to stand with someone whose views on some things you find idiotic and reactionary against people whose views you agree with, but here I am.


It bothers me, because I could be wrong about Kleinheider.  He may be a monster, I don’t know.  And, if he is, I’m going to look like an ass for siding with him against people I believe to be generally right in their complaints against him.


But I think Kleinheider is thoughtful and I think he’s capable of modifying his views based on being presented with persuasive evidence that he’s wrong.  Is he ever going to ask me to come to a socialist open-mike night with him?  No. 


But I do think that, in general, he’s a thoughtful person and believes what he does about women or gays or Israel for that matter after careful consideration of what he believes to be solid foundational premises.  I regularly give him shit because I think some of his “solid foundational premises” are bullshit, but he has a coherent well-thought-out worldview even if it’s based on some fundamental misunderstandings about the nature of the world.


In other words, I can support any campaign against Kleinheider that is based on talking directly to Kleinheider, even in a public forum, and hoping that, if enough people tell him that he’s wrong, he will come to see that he’s wrong.  I will not participate in said campaign because I already do that and am not going to do something I already do with a larger crowd, because that kind of ooks me out.


But a campaign against Kleinheider that seems to be about, first, pointing the ‘weirdo’ out to our like-minded friends and then working up a proper sense of outrage so that we can all feel good about how we are not like him and how we stand on the side of right when we stand against him so that we can, second, work to costing him his job?


Fuck that.


And frankly, I’m tired of the ‘let’s see what blogger we can run out of the blogosphere’ bullshit that seems to bubble up here in Nashville every four or five months.  First Brittney, then Bill Hobbs.  Is this the first rumblings of something similar against Kleinheider?


If so, count me right out.  Any campaign that is based on the insinuation that people shouldn’t have their jobs because we don’t like them is never going to meet with my support.


Fritz and Kleinheider have some fundamental disagreements.  Fine.  Disagree away.  Try to persuade each other that the other is wrong and should change his mind.  That’d be good fun and I can’t wait to read it.


But hinting around that he shouldn’t have his job?  Let’s not spread that nonsense any farther.

I Don’t Think This is a Cold: I Think I Poisoned Myself

I made burgers for whatever meal that was I ate today and as my burger was finishing up in the Forman, I realized we didn’t have any more buns and so I whooped out some bread.  I bit in and realized that the bread smelled… wrong.


I’ve been eating on the bread for a while now and not been able to smell anything peculiar, because I’ve been stuffed up.  So, I’ve probably just been chowing away on moldy bread for days.


Blech.  If I could barf in retrospect, I totally would.


I’m going through something of a third-of-a-life crisis lately.  You may have noticed.  I tried to cure it the anti-feminist way, by writing a bunch of checks and signing Mrs. Random Man’s Whole Name, cleaning up after random small children, and doing whatever thing I thought would make me seem most compliant, subservient, and pleasant to be around. 


But, alas, the dog doesn’t speak English, so I had no one to boss me and it turns out that even the most submissive wives aren’t always happy doing everything their husbands tell them.


Can I just freak out on y’all a little bit?  I have a job that, objectively, should be perfect for me.  It involves a lot of stuff that I like–reading, meeting cool people, and smelling new books.  But I’m not happy.  There are lots of reasons but the main one is that I don’t feel like I’m very good at what I do and I don’t know how to go about getting better or if I even care about getting better at it.


That’s not the part that I’m freaked out about.


What I’m freaked out about is that I suck at everything I do.  I have never had a job that I was great at.  I have no discernable practical skills and I have no idea what I’d rather be doing with my life or what I could even do because I suck at everything I do.


I’m too smart to be so mediocre at everything and yet, here I am, a third of the way through my life and still half-assing my way through things hoping that, at some point, someone will look at me and say “B., you should be over here doing x.  Can’t you see that you’re perfect for x?  Everything you’ve ever done your whole life has obviously been leading you to x. So get on it.”


But whatever.  It’ll be fine.  I was just thinking of Exador all stomping around about how he’s been doing what he’s doing for twenty years and I got a little jealous.  I’d like to have a career doing something that made me proud enough to toss around two-decades’ worth of doing it like it was worth something.