The weirdest thing happened yesterday, too. My mom called and said how she and my dad had been talking about how nice a time they had on Saturday, not just at the play, but how the whole day was just enjoyable and fun.
And then she said how much she and my dad had loved the play and how great they thought it was.
Wait some more…
And how she wanted me to try to round up the write-ups about the play so she could send them to my grandma.
Still, keep waiting…
And how my dad really wished there’d been someone to video tape the play so that they could show it to all my family and make it easier to brag on me.
And nothing. A phone call full of pure compliments and pleasant, heartfelt goodness and no snark at the end designed to undermine how good they’ve briefly made you feel.
Talk about things I don’t quite know how to process. First there was this whole new experience of feeling proud of myself. Then my family didn’t do anything to ruin that feeling.
Y’all, can I tell you something stupid and you promise not to laugh? I’m a little scared. I’m used to my life being at a certain level of shittiness, where we can’t have things too nice or do things too nice or be too nice to each other or it’s like we’re tempting the gods to squat down and take the biggest shit on us they can.
But, you know what? This was such a nice and amazing weekend. I was surrounded by people I love who witnessed something that was incredibly important to me and they genuinely liked it.
I would really like to get used to that. I would love for that to be the new normal.
But holy shit, am I afraid that having things too good will draw something as equal in badness to me.
Well, ha, there you go. No one other than me has to undermine my good mood, because I’m more than up for it.
Here’s what I’d like. I’d like to get used to the idea that good things can happen without being counterbalanced by terrible. I can just have some nice stuff happen without feeling uneasy about it.
I’m going to try to believe that and see how it goes.