I think about class a lot. More so now than I did before I moved to Nashville. Even when I first moved to Nashville, I thought about class but only in terms of how normal I was compared to the Vandy kids who had so much.
Later, I learned that it wasn’t that other folks had so much, it was that I had so little. But fine. We don’t want for much, I don’t think. My own house with a fenced in yard so the dog and I can play without the leash in the way. A car for the Butcher. To be out of debt. I can’t get the Butcher’s shit together, but I’m slowly getting my own.
But I have an acquaintance who’s just gotten a new job. And I’ve been thinking about how he got that job. I don’t know the details, but at some level, it comes down to him realizing that they would need someone to fill that position.
I had access to all the same information he did. I saw all the same people talking about the same things. And I said, “Oh, great, look. Folks are talking and having a good time. Okay, let’s see who else needs a good talking to.” I didn’t say, “Hey, wait a minute! How can I use all this information to my advantage?”
It never occurred to me to say that. I go around being open to possibilities. I do. Even when something scares the shit out of me, if I’m asked to do it, I do it.
But I’m no good at creating my own possibilities. I know how to meet large numbers of people and talk to them and be delighted with them. I don’t know how to turn that into some kind of opportunity for me.
I don’t know if that’s a class thing or just a me thing. But here I am feeling like I desperately need to bring more cool stuff into my life and I don’t think I know how to do that. I want to just be open and have you recognize my worth and bring me in. Because I just don’t know how to do this other thing.
In fact, until very recently, I had no idea other people were working it any other way.
I’m kind of a naive idiot. I think that contributes a great deal to my frustration with myself. I sense the world works differently than I think it does, but I’m not quite smart enough to figure out where my assumptions are wrong.