Whereas heterosexual men tend to take the truth better from their buddies than they do random women and
Whereas we heterosexual women aren’t ever going to tell you the whole truth because we’re either in your pants and don’t want you to kick us out, hoping to get in your pants, or leaving open the option that, should we end up being the last two people on Earth, you’d let us in your pants
The Recovering Baptist and I hereby propose the creation of the Truth Penis.
This would be a regular penis-shaped dildo, perhaps snazzily decorated with sequins or feathers, that a girl could keep in her purse and pull out when truth needed to be told.
The presence of the Truth Penis would create a safe buffer of truth-telling space where we could be totally honest with each other without it affecting our ability to possibly fuck you, should the opportunity present itself.
So, say we’ve been dating and you’re giving me the old "it’s not you; it’s me" speech and I’m not buying it. I could pull out the Truth Penis and you would then say, "You’re too fat" or "I’m in love with your brother." and I would say, "Thank you for your honesty. I find the massive amounts of butt hair you have to be both awe-inspiring and kind of gross." or "Well, you’re too stupid for him."
I know! It’s such a good idea, I can’t believe someone hasn’t come up with it before. Maybe I could make and market the Truth Penises and become a millionaire…