Today I read something so disturbing that I can’t decide how to respond to it. One of you sent me a link to a blog in which the writer is complaining because a thirteen year old girl in her apartment complex is a “slut” and yet wants to hang out with the writer’s kid.
The person who sent me the link called the writer on it and the writer thought better of it and removed the word from her post.
Without it there, it looks like the author is just concerned about this poor fucked-up child. And maybe she is. I don’t know; I’m not a regular reader there. I’m staying out of it.
But I read the post the first time with the word in there and I’ve got to tell you, it made me sick to my stomach.
You guys, if what this writer said is true, there’s something terrible happening to this girl*. At thirteen, she’s already incredibly sexualized, by the author’s account, and the author says
I learned that she was “dating” a 28 year old. From my friend who lives next door from her. Apparently, both mother and daughter feel the need to tell my friend this. Anyway, said girl, was seeing this 28 year old (remember said girl is 13) and mom did NOTHING about it, but ground her for a week.
I don’t guess anyone here has any question about why a twenty-eight year old man would “date” a thirteen year old girl. So, let’s count the women who know this girl is being molested: her mom, her neighbor, and the writer of this blog.
And what’s the problem? That she behaves like a “slut.” Not that none of these women have a moral compass which would tell them that they should involve the authorities in this little girl’s sex life; that’s not the problem. The fact that she’s a “slut” and it makes the writer uncomfortable is.
I, personally, can’t wait to live in a post-feminist world. But as long as we have women who look at a little girl who is the victim of a crime and see her as the problem and not the fucker who’s raping her or the mother who stands by and jokes about it while it happens and then grounds the girl, I’m afraid there’s a shit load more work to be done.
Step one is not calling a fucked-up, traumatized little girl who you know to be the victim of a crime a slut.
Step two is being fully human enough yourself to call the fucking cops.
*It’s the internet, of course, so who the fuck knows what’s real and what’s not?
Tiny Cat Pants 
Well said, B. Very well said.
Whoa. First of all, I’m cool with keeping the daughter away from the thirteen yearold. Best to quarantine whatever is wrong with that child away from your own until things can be taken care of.That said, seriously B, what the fuck? Thirteen year olds dating 28 year olds, that’s fucking rape. Disgusting. I think this has less to do with post feminism (though you may disagree, which I respect) and more to deal with old fashioned loserism. This guy is a loser. He is banging a 13 year old because he can get his nut off on her, and probably nobody else. There are no men that I know of who would condone this, I’m sure he is keeping this a secret from his buddies, because if he has any guy friends of any caliber, he does not want them to know he is into this. But somebody has to spill the beans on this, or this girl will be putting out for whomever for the rest of her life if she doesn’t get some help soon.
I had hoped things had changed since I was a child. I wish I had seen the post you referred to so I could have addressed it with the author.I assure everyone, 13 year old girls are not sluts. If they are lucky enough to grow up and overcome their childhood molestations, the pain of being a 13 year old whore still stays with them no matter now accomplished they become. Indeed, some spend their entire lives trying to prove they’re really a "good girl," and go fucking nuts when someone says something remotely mean about them or to them. (Not that I’d know anything about that first hand) No matter how tough and strong a woman is, if she was molested as a child, you don’t have to scratch very hard at all to open that wound and out gushes a little girl in pain.I hope the author of the post you referred to calls the authorities on the 28 yr old man, and instead of shunning the little girl, she should befriend her and gets her some help.
Well said, Sharon.Lee, seriously. What the fuck? How can you so angrily and vehemently agree with me? What’s happening to that girl is rape (as you call it) or molestation (as I called it) and a crime (as we both called it) and the dude perpetrating it is a criminal (as we both said).It’s like you read "feminist" and the "B.’s going to talk about her man hating now" switch got flipped and you then never bothered with the details where you and I are in agreement.But, I think what you’re trying to say is that what’s going on with this girl has nothing to do with feminism and everything to do with what a monster the preditor she’s with is.To which I say, ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha etc.One of the main goals of feminism from time immemorial has been to force all people to recognize women as fully human and not semi-retarded sex-bot housekeepers and nannies.Bot men and women fall into this lazy idea that women are semi-human, stupid and slutty.In this particular case, as told to us by the author, there don’t seem to be any men except the rapist involved in the situation. I think it’s clear why the rapist isn’t calling the police on himself.So, the next question is why aren’t the other adults who are aware of the situation informing the police?I would posit, based on how the term ‘slut’ was thrown around in the post originally and how one of the commenters says that the girl will not learn to behave differently until she is raped (never mind that she is already most likely being raped) that the reason those women haven’t called the cops is that the women believe the girl to be at fault.In other words, the man cannot help but be a monster (that trope we’ve talked about here before) and so it is up to all females, even female children with no good guidance from other women, to some how discern who these monsters are and avoid them and, if they don’t, they are to blame for what happens to them.This line of ‘reasoning’ is exactly the line of reasoning that feminists have been trying to counter forever.And I’m sorry, the fact that you can’t see this as a feminist issue doesn’t prove that it’s not, it’s just proved that even a conservative man from the South can find himself sympathetic to the goals of feminism, even against his better judgement.
…god, sometimes I’m so badass I want to make out with myself…
B, thank you for articulating what’s been festering in my mind. The post bothered me deeply and I couldn’t find the right words.
First of all, I was wine drunk when I commented. I think I did a good job of sounding coherent. I’m just against grown adults getting all sexual with kids, whether its a boy or girl being molested/raped, and then people blaming the kid. If that makes me a feminist, well, I’ll just have to bust out my Gertrude Stein anthology and accept myself for who I am.
I suppose you purposely didn’t link to it? I’d like to see the original discussion.
Lee, if you have a Gertrude Stein anthology, I’ll kiss your ass in public–you name the date and time.W., I don’t know. I debated about linking to it, but I don’t regularly read the person and it seemed unfair to jump in with me and all y’all to lecture her about her assholishness without being already invested in her blog or willing to become so.It might be the wrong call. I don’t know.
I don’t have an anthology, but I do have an old paperback of her "Three Lives," which I read for summer reading a few seasons ago. Interesting prose, highly repetitive, in phrases and descriptions she uses, almost like how a piece of music will repeat various note clusters. I felt all artsy reading it, but I really did enjoy it.Sadly, that probably doesn’t qualify. But when and if we ever meet, I’ll bring the book and see if that qualifies me to give you a forehead kiss.
Holy shit! Okay. Yes. You may smooch my forehead without incurring my wrath for owning and having read Stein.Wow.
Score.
B,You could cut and paste the post here, thereby protecting the original author.We’ll just have to trust that you don’t insert a bunch of feminist propaganda into the original.
Anybody that wants to read the post can email me and I will send you a link.
http://www.amazon.com/gp/product/B000FILIOE/sr=1-4/qid=1155582201/ref=sr_1_4/103-0149654-9625423?ie=UTF8&s=books the link above is to a great book i read about how growing up with the reputation of a "slut" has affected many women. i was just reminded of it in reading this post. thanks.