I Vote That There is a Conspiracy

Yep, I do. 

Karl Rove, upset by the obvious, impending loss of Joe Lieberman contacted Tony Blair and said "If you’ve got anything, anything at all you can pull out of your ass to shake the American people, now is the time to do it." and Tony Blair said, "Well, we do have these guys under surveillance.  We could make a big show of bringing them in."  and Rove was all like, "Okay, if Lieberman loses the election and I can’t figure out the best way to spin it to the American people, I’ll send Lieberman a note saying how George Bush has got his back and will be willing to do anything to help him get reelected and that’ll be your cue to act."  and Blair was all "Right-o, then, old chap.  Toodles."

And so it went.

At least, I wish.

Because, if there’s one thing the past six years have taught us it’s that, in reality, we are a nation governed by semi-competent boobs more concerned with hording power than with much of anything else.  And knowing that, as far as I’m concerned, is almost unbearable.

I could take a lot more comfort in thinking that our government is so super competent that it can regularly conspire against the American people and have it work flawlessly. 

7 thoughts on “I Vote That There is a Conspiracy

  1. It’s a conspiracy by the devil-worshippers at Procter and Gamble to make us all buy more shampoo and toothpaste when they take it away from us at the security check point."Follow the money!"

  2. Even if <em>’we are a nation governed by semi-competent boobs more concerned with hoarding power than with much of anything else,'</em> (with which I totally agree) I don’t want to/can’t believe that anyone, even them, would make anything like this threat up on the basis of such an inconsequential occurance such as Lieberman losing the primary. That just doesn’t follow: if your rationale is that they will be losing middle-ground Democrats, and by shoring up Joe, they will be appealing to other Centrists of either party and make this shit up? One guy? And that guy Lieberman? Uh…no. It would imply that there was a master plan or somesuch, and they simply aren’t that long-visioned. Do you really think that someone in the administration had the brains or balls to do this, instead of acting on what may, in fact, turn out to be a very credible threat that might have killed thousands of people? I would rather that everyone erred on the side of caution in this situation here, as they have done. If it turns out to not be so, well, being the open society that we are, that also will come out. Can I hear a YAY! for a free press!!? So you would <em>’take a lot more comfort in thinking that our government is so super competent that it can regularly conspire against the American people and have it work flawlessly.</em> Again, no. You’re saying you’d be happier being willingly brainwashed instead, because we’re all so happy with our current situation? OK, I know you did this tongue-in-cheek, but…oh, you’re quite the little devil’s advocate with this, aren’t you, B? And I just bit.(I thought the same thing CeeElCee… and right about now, I’m glad I own stock in Walgreen’s!)  

  3. Yeah, you kind of get at what I’m getting at. Of course, I don’t really want a giant conspiracy of doom. But, if the choice is a government so plugged into what is going on in the world that they can have giant conspiracies of doom or what actually seems to be the case, where we’re constantly threatened by loonie fundimentalists who aren’t necessarily associated with a country and who don’t fear death and whose intentions are hard to determine (we know they want to harm us, we don’t necessarily know how or when or where), sometimes it’s more comforting to believe in a government with machine-like efficiency.Even though that’s clearly not the case.

  4. Aunt B., let’s use our imaginations for a moment. Let’s imagine that a "conspiracy" doesn’t always have to involve flying saucers and JFK’s ghost. In fact, some of the most fact-lite conspiracy theories ever concocted are used by the feds against drug suspects. But I digress.What if what some people want to reflexively (and smugly) label a "conspiracy" isn’t anything quite complex as an Oliver Stone plot? What if it is as simple as, say, getting an FBI informant to pose as an FBI agent so that he can goad a bunch of half-baked Miami loony toons (who can’t even buy their own boots) into pledging allegiance to ‘al Qaeda’ and talking about blowing up the Sears Tower? Would that qualify as a "conspiracy"?The honest-to-God truth is that the Bush administration is steeped in incompetence when it comes to actual governing. What they excel at, though, are the scumbucket politics of deception and manipulation. Of course, with the electorate so composed of ignorant, apathetic, fundamentalist, xenophobic, nativist consumers, it hasn’t been too difficult for the Bushies to pull off whopper after whopper. After you count those who are buying and those who don’t care, there aren’t enough skeptics around to make a democratic difference.In other words, Aunt B., the Bush administration doesn’t need "machine-like efficiency." They just need to know how to play us all for the rubes we are, and they need to know how to work with the right tools (craven corporate media, easily corrupted voting system, etc.) for the job.As far as the Foreign Brown Menace is concerned, I think if we were somehow able to stop congratulating ourselves for our own greatness for a few moments, we might see how our greedy, destructive "way of life" contributes to the pain and suffering to millions of people around the globe. Maybe that’s why a few of them here or there get pissed off enough to want to fly planes into our buildings (if that is what actually happened on 9/11).

  5. It would be so easy wouldn’t it? Even Bush/Blair could pull this off. Undercover agents, nobody knows them, Bush/Blair are heroes, new support for the war because "turrsts" are real…BE AFFRAID, stay fat and happy…"Merrka" (I love it when Bush says "nucular"…IT’S NUCLEAR YOU DICK!) The real conspiracy will be uncovered when we follow the convictions of these men of Arab descent.

  6. Aunt B., I think a lot of your new readers may not know where you live and what many people talk like here. I’m just sayin’.

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