Aug 15

In Which I Disprove Intelligent Design in One Word or Less

Migraines.

It makes sense that I would have pain when I have done something stupid.  You put your hand on a hot stove, you get hurt, you don’t put your hand on the hot stove.  You fall for someone who likes you okay but really thinks he deserves a pretty girl, your heart tears right in two, and you don’t waste your time on the likes of him any more.

But what purpose is served by a pain that starts at the base of your neck, stabs right through your sinus cavity, goes crackling right up the back of you eye socket like that fire in a wire, electricity, and then settles at the top of your head like a too-tight halo squooshing your brain?

Did I ever tell you how my grandpa died?  Years of chain-smoking Muriel cigars turned the whole bottom of his brain right along his sinuses into a cancerous rot.

My other grandpa died twice.  Once when he was young–he had a heart attack–but they were able to bring him back and then once again when he was older–another heart attack.

That’s weird, now that I think about it.  I am related to two people who died twice.  My uncle B. died when he was a child of polio and then died again as an old man from complications from post-polio syndrome.  The first time, he just came back on his own.  No medical explanation for how it happened.

Probably, when I get migraines, I shouldn’t sit around and wonder if I’m dying.  But I do.  I took some medicine.  The pain should be subsiding here in a few minutes.

I should have taken something when I felt it coming on, but I have to be honest with you, aside from the pain and the nausea, I kind of find migraines to be interesting.  Things are much more vivid.  I kind of feel like I’m floating.  And things feel really cool.  My sense of touch is heightened and since it feels like my brain has slowed way down, I can amuse myself for a long time just feeling the cup or the water running over my hand as I wait for it to get cold, or the dog sliding by my foot, which is sliding against the carpet.

I haven’t learned anything enlightening, though, other than that I need to shave my legs.

6 thoughts on “In Which I Disprove Intelligent Design in One Word or Less”

  1. I used to get vivid aural warnings of coming migraines. Now, they sneak up on me and I realize I have one knocking at the door when I become "livid pissed" over little things, like someone chewing nearby. Instead of just mildly annoying, each chomp sends a chill down spine, like fingernails on a chalkboard.That’s when I know I have to act fast, if I’m going to head the sucker off at the pass.I hope you’re feeling better.

  2. We had a huge storm blow through here right after I went to bed and my migraines are often linked to big changes in the weather…Hey, WKRN! Be on the cutting edge of weather forecasting! Hire my skull to prognosticate when fronts are moving through!So, I am feeling better. Mine can take hours to come on, but if I take medicine and go to bed, they clear up pretty easily. Knock on wood.I feel for folks who get them frequently and they last all day. Yuck.

  4. I don’t know. I think your stuff is cute. And you get to pee standing up. Granted, it’s also a target for every kid with a wiffle ball bat or jumping dog… I guess it is kind of a toss up.

  5. I get auras that do not advance to migraine. I can get them to leave faster if I sit still and do absolutely nothing until they go away.

  6. Is that what that strange funky stuff before the pain is called? I might pay money for that, if it would happen without pain.

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