It’s hard for me, as a white girl, to sometimes understand what’s going on in the heads of white men.
Are they super-dooper ass-kicking motherfuckers whose love of guns, mocking of feminists, pleasure in fucking, and embodiment of conservative ideals is undermined only by their bad backs? Are they bad-ass entrepreneurs with rockstar good looks and a deep abiding love for their children waylaid only by their bad backs? Are they unafraid of anything, even buying condoms from their third-grade teacher?
Or are they such delicate flowers that the mere sight of vehement anti-war protesters sends them to the fainting couch?
You know, the ‘delicate flower in regular need of a fainting couch’ would explain why all these white guys are running around throwing out their backs. They’ve got a heavy piece of furniture they need with them at all times…
Who knows? I know a lot of white guys and I must say, I’ve never discerned any kind of general consensus about how the world works. But I could be wrong.
Maybe white men ARE one monolithic entity with easily discernable thoughts and opinions and maybe they all ARE delicate flowers who need to have their feelings constantly considered and validated even by total strangers. The world must be a scary place indeed for the white men who cannot, when confronted with “ageing hippies and obnoxious college students,” form their own opinions but must immediately and knee-jerkedly flee from whatever common ground they might hold with said aging hippies and obnoxious college students.
This explains Kleinheider’s obvious discomfort with the ways that aging hippies and obnoxious college students choose to protest Bush:
Protest, sure. Take to the streets but conduct yourself like civilized human beings. You are accomplishing nothing with this. What do think your average white man, conservative or independent, who is starting to question the war sees when he looks at those pictures.
Oh, yes, heaven forbid protesters act uncivilized. We might frighten the average white guy! I’m sorry. On the one hand, this is just too funny. On the other hand, shoot, I feel like we need to have some kind of intervention for Kleinheider. Here’s a guy who’s got to be, what? 6’2″, 6’3″ Two hundred, two twenty five. He’s not a dude who’s getting pushed around at bars is what I’m saying and yet he’s all timid about aging hippies and college kids.
Well, fuck me, Carter. What are you so afraid of? I think you could take them in a fight. Do you really want the whole country to sit around and ponder every day “How can I live in such a way that the ‘average white guy’ will be least uncomfortable?”
I know you’re probably never going to get why that’s so amazingly insulting to everyone who’s not an average white guy, but please, please just for one second concede that it’s so deeply insulting to white guys that you’re not surprised to learn that it made me laugh so hard tears came to my eyes.
Shoot, Carter, if you average white guys want the whole world to suck your dick every chance they get, y’all need to start acting like you deserve it. “Oh, be nice to me because I’m a timid lamb out here alone in the world who just happens to run every fucking thing in said world and still has the majority of the wealth and can go into any country club in the land and runs the government and lots of other great stuff that I’m too frightened and stupid to even bother to enjoy” is not going to work for you. Trust me.
It’s insulting to your fellow white men, who maybe don’t want to be portrayed as wishy-washy fearful sheep. It’s insulting to the rest of us who know that you aren’t really sheep at all. And it’s insulting to yourself. Not to get all Hallmark on you, but if you want us to love you, you’ve got to learn to love yourself.