Hello Person or Persons Overly Interested in My Readers,
I just wanted to let you know that I can see when you search the site for a name–say “saraclark” for instance. You are, of course, more than welcome to search away for every instance of brilliant insight any of my readers have left here.
I am welcome not to like it.
You should know that I find it incredibly creepy and if I catch you again scouring the site for a particular person’s comments, I will be emailing that person your IP address, operating system, time of searches, and every entry you looked at.
Love,
Aunt B.
Tiny Cat Pants 
What the hell is that all about??? Is this some very strange person that reads you stuff all the time or just some random stalker?
That’s…odd…are they searching for just one person or lots of people?
Hmmmm. That’s strange. Very strange. And kinda creepy.
They’re just searching for saraclark. But I thought it best to just make an announcement so that anyone else considering spending any length of time searching for y’all would know that you would find out about it.
Well, mo-ther-fucker. What is the deal? I am a legend in someone else’s mind.
It’s easy to see when you’ve annoyed people. Every couple of weeks I get hits from people looking for Gandalf Mantooth. As if they didn’t know where to find me . . .Speaking of that, I wonder if anyone (besides Sar and Mr Pink, y’all don’t qualify for the prize) gets the "Emergency" reference.
It’s not me, but I have done that on other people’s sites before. Sometimes I can remember a really good comment someone made and want to link to it, or double-check what they said before referring to it, and if I’m not able to find it by searching for keywords that I think were in the comment, I have been known to search by the commentator’s name.Could that be what this person is doing?
My apologies. I’m new to this whole ‘stalking’ thing. I want to do it right, but I’m dreadfully busy right now. I’d hoped this series of tubes would streamline the process for me.Currently only 2 of my walls are covered in photos of Sara Clark*, I don’t believe that’s terribly unusual.She once commented at my place…I think we all agree that’s tantamount to an admission of undying love. It’s just like that time the girl asked me what time it was…as if I was simply the closest guy with a watch.*Sadly, I don’t really have any Sara Clark photos, but I do have a few hundred photos of Roy Clark pasted to the walls of my underground, er, storm shelter. I’m fighting his restraining order.
My apologies. I’m new to this whole ‘stalking’ thing. I want to do it right, but I’m dreadfully busy right now. I’d hoped this series of tubes would streamline the process for me.Currently only 2 of my walls are covered in photos of Sara Clark*, I don’t believe that’s terribly unusual.She once commented at my place…I think we all agree that’s tantamount to an admission of undying love. It’s just like that time the girl asked me what time it was…as if I was simply the closest guy with a watch.*Sadly, I don’t really have any Sara Clark photos, but I do have a few hundred photos of Roy Clark pasted to the walls of my underground, er, storm shelter. I’m fighting his restraining order.
My apologies. I’m new to this whole ‘stalking’ thing. I want to do it right, but I’m dreadfully busy right now. I’d hoped this series of tubes would streamline the process for me.Currently only 2 of my walls are covered in photos of Sara Clark*, I don’t believe that’s terribly unusual.She once commented at my place…I think we all agree that’s tantamount to an admission of undying love. It’s just like that time the girl asked me what time it was…as if I was simply the closest guy with a watch.*Sadly, I don’t really have any Sara Clark photos, but I do have a few hundred photos of Roy Clark pasted to the walls of my underground, er, storm shelter. I’m fighting his restraining order.
My apologies. I’m new to this whole ‘stalking’ thing. I want to do it right, but I’m dreadfully busy right now. I’d hoped this series of tubes would streamline the process for me.Currently only 2 of my walls are covered in photos of Sara Clark*, I don’t believe that’s terribly unusual.She once commented at my place…I think we all agree that’s tantamount to an admission of undying love. It’s just like that time the girl asked me what time it was…as if I was simply the closest guy with a watch.*Sadly, I don’t really have any Sara Clark photos, but I do have a few hundred photos of Roy Clark pasted to the walls of my underground, er, storm shelter. I’m fighting his restraining order.
My apologies. I’m new to this whole ‘stalking’ thing. I want to do it right, but I’m dreadfully busy right now. I’d hoped this series of tubes would streamline the process for me.Currently only 2 of my walls are covered in photos of Sara Clark*, I don’t believe that’s terribly unusual.She once commented at my place…I think we all agree that’s tantamount to an admission of undying love. It’s just like that time the girl asked me what time it was…as if I was simply the closest guy with a watch.*Sadly, I don’t really have any Sara Clark photos, but I do have a few hundred photos of Roy Clark pasted to the walls of my underground, er, storm shelter. I’m fighting his restraining order.
My apologies. I’m new to this whole ‘stalking’ thing. I want to do it right, but I’m dreadfully busy right now. I’d hoped this series of tubes would streamline the process for me.Currently only 2 of my walls are covered in photos of Sara Clark*, I don’t believe that’s terribly unusual.She once commented at my place…I think we all agree that’s tantamount to an admission of undying love. It’s just like that time the girl asked me what time it was…as if I was simply the closest guy with a watch.*Sadly, I don’t really have any Sara Clark photos, but I do have a few hundred photos of Roy Clark pasted to the walls of my underground, er, storm shelter. I’m fighting his restraining order.
My apologies. I’m new to this whole ‘stalking’ thing. I want to do it right, but I’m dreadfully busy right now. I’d hoped this series of tubes would streamline the process for me.Currently only 2 of my walls are covered in photos of Sara Clark*, I don’t believe that’s terribly unusual.She once commented at my place…I think we all agree that’s tantamount to an admission of undying love. It’s just like that time the girl asked me what time it was…as if I was simply the closest guy with a watch.*Sadly, I don’t really have any Sara Clark photos, but I do have a few hundred photos of Roy Clark pasted to the walls of my underground, er, storm shelter. I’m fighting his restraining order.
My apologies. I’m new to this whole ‘stalking’ thing. I want to do it right, but I’m dreadfully busy right now. I’d hoped this series of tubes would streamline the process for me.Currently only 2 of my walls are covered in photos of Sara Clark*, I don’t believe that’s terribly unusual.She once commented at my place…I think we all agree that’s tantamount to an admission of undying love. It’s just like that time the girl asked me what time it was…as if I was simply the closest guy with a watch.*Sadly, I don’t really have any Sara Clark photos, but I do have a few hundred photos of Roy Clark pasted to the walls of my underground, er, storm shelter. I’m fighting his restraining order.
Short and Fat, damn it! I’m also stalking Roy Clark. I was wondering who was driving up the cost of photos on the open market. Well, now I know.It’s true that someone could have been looking for something witty saraclark said. Okay, before I report people, I’ll wait to see if there’s not some reference made in the comments here or a link coming in referencing that comment.
The diagnosis that I found was that indeed, this was a search for comments made by me on blogs in general. I have both seen and spoken to said stalker and nothing nefarious was intended.As for any and all other stalkers(potential and otherwise), most people pay so that they don’t have to look at pictures of me with or without the banjo. I could be convinced to dress up as Roy Clark for special occasions and personal appearances but I don’t play underground bunkers and there are no happy endings.Thanks to everyone for the concern, the ideas and the brief noteriety.
Damn.I had started typing ‘saraclark’ into various search engines and clicking on the TCP links that came up just to see B get wrapped around the axle.
Gandalf, I got it from the first moment. It helped that I had a huge crush on the man.
Don’t get me started on Julie London. Mmmmm Julie London…
"Wrapped around the axle."Shoot, I didn’t know you knew about my porn career, but if you want to see that, it’s going to cost you $9.95 a month, same as everyone else. Just send me your credit card number and I’ll give you the password to tinycatnopants.com.
Like I’m gonna pay to see something that I already have pictures of.
Well, fuck. That’s certainly the downside to using you as my photographer.
I was gonna say, I get searches for "Sista Smiff" (shocking, I know) and thus far, I have not encountered a stalker. sara clark has a following.
How about seeing the search phrase "Lindsay Ferrier is a fucking idiot" show up on your stat tracker? Now that’s a day maker.
You got that one too?
I can’t tell you how many variations on aunt fucking I get. This morning, someone was searching for "Why does my great aunt always want to fuck me?" I just don’t think he’s going to find the answers he’s looking for in a search engine.Lindsay, you need to start a gang; I’ll be in it. And when folks pull shit like that on you, you just call on your girl-gang and we’ll go knock the shit out of them. Think of how much more fun soccer practice would be if you had thirty angry women in, say, pink satin jackets ala "Grease" just waiting to pounce on the other moms who do you wrong.That’d be so much fun. I’ll work out some dance routines for us.
"Wrapped around the Axle"Isn’t he coming to town soon? If you’ve seen him recently, I don’t think any further pictures are necessary.I’m going to go read my stats and searches to see if there’s anything good. Usually not.
You just gave me the best idea. You know that improv group that does random things like meet at Home Depot and shop in slow motion? We could meet at the soccer field like we’re all strangers, until someone turns on the music and we all suddenly get in formation in front of the stands and do our dance routine. And then afterward, we continue on like we don’t know each other. And you see, this is why I get the fucking idiot searches.
"This morning, someone was searching for ‘Why does my great aunt always want to fuck me?’ I just don’t think he’s going to find the answers he’s looking for in a search engine."You could probably make some sort of an oil to help him, though.
The only one I get is,"How big are Sara Evans’ breasts?"
I’d like to join in on the random soccer game dance routine but sadly, I have no rhythm and two left feet. ::sigh::
B, a while ago you used the phrase "curly hair and big tits" to describe your appearance. So I googled "curly hair big tits" hoping you would be tickled that someone came to your site searching for curly hair and big tits. (Don’t ask me why I thought you’d find that amusing.) But I gave up wading thru the just over one million hits.