The To Do List: How I Did

1.  Talk Brittney’s boyfriend into becoming a children’s show host–Well, no.  But I’m seeding the collective unconscience by mentioning it here.

2.  Do the dishes.  One load is in.  I may get another load run this evening if I don’t fall asleep soon.

3.  Dog to park?  Check.

4.  Hot shower?  Check.

5.  Headache?  Never did really happen.  I got the bad mood, but never the pain.  So, I can live with that.

6.  Read Aime Cesaire.  Check.  Holy shit.  So, here’s the deal.  The Professor is thinking about teaching Discourse on Colonialism but she can’t decide.  She asked me to read it to see if I thought she could get away with it.  She’s asked around the department, but so few people know who Cesaire is that she can’t get good advice about whether it will lead to trouble or not.  I hope she does teach it, though.  He makes a lot of important points, but I do believe that the one crucial distinction he makes is that civilization and colonization are not the same thing.

7.  Yahoo was dumping all my email from Chris and Amanda into spam.  I think I have it fixed.

How to Tell If You’re An Ass Who Should Be Shot in the Kneecaps

If you are one of a couple who go to the park and do that “we love to exercise together” crap where you walk for a little bit, run for a little bit, walk for a little bit, etc. and then you bring your dogs with you and you don’t even bother to have leashes with you for them and you’re wandering around the park going “street, Street, STREET, STREET!!!! HEEL, Heel, heel” and everyone can see how your dogs are just wandering around near you but not actually listening because you know what?  Dogs have tiny brains and they are easily distracted by sounds and smells and, oh, I don’t know, the chick with the pitbull in front of you and so no matter how good your dogs might be, believe me, when something more interesting than you catches their attention, that’s what they’re focused on…

Well, if you’re those people and when I ask you to please, please restrain your dogs as you come by us, and you actually turn to me and go “What?” like I’m fucking imposing on YOU, and your idea of restraining your dogs is to keep saying “street, Street, STREET!!! HEEL, Heel, heel” as I have to haul my leashed dog over to the side of the road to get out of the way of your selfish assholy behavior, then you can be pretty sure that if I came upon you later and found your dogs licking at the bloody wounds where someone who has a gun and saw your unconscionable behavior and shot you in the kneecaps, I would laugh and say to myself “street, street, street, heel” as I and my leashed dog walked by.

Why Mrs. Wigglebottom Will Be Making a Trip to WKRN

Though this will surprise no one, I have learned through the grapevine that the Middle Tennessee Blogger who Shall Not Be Named actually has no opinion on pitbulls what so ever and was, in fact, on his little anti-pitbull kick solely to establish some blogger cred.

This makes me so angry it’s all I can do to not call in late tomorrow morning, head over to the station with Mrs. Wigglebottom in tow, and demand he apologize to her to her face, at which point, she will, as we all know, start licking him, and maybe he will have an allergic reaction to her saliva, go to the hospital, where doctors will discover that he has no soul, at which point maybe they can at least give him an artificial one. 

As a Result of Amanda’s Birthday Party

To Do Today: 

1.  Talk Brittney’s boyfriend, Kevin, into starting a hippy liberal children’s show.  Kevin is so laid-back, even in the face of chaos; he’d be awesome on TV.

2.  Do the dishes.

3.  Take dog to park.

4.  Take hot shower.

5.  Demand this headache either settle in or go away.

6.  Read Amie Cesaire.  That’s right, I’m hip to all the cool philosophers.

7. Figure out why I’m not getting any email from Chris or Amanda. 

 

Things I want to do today:

Lay on the couch, alternating between napping and watching “Most Haunted” on on-demand.  Maybe take some Tylenol.

However,

Things I did yesterday:

Lay on the couch alternating between napping and watching “Most Haunted” on on-demand. 

So, I’m going to go get in the shower. 

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