I am fried, like those delicious golden wiggly fries from the stand at the Southern Festival of Books. I’m supposed to be at work right now, but I can’t bring myself to get up out of this chair and go get in the shower. I’ve got to get on a plane on Sunday and fly across the country and am I ready? No.
Plus, I’m having trouble sleeping. And last night I dreamed I got to the airport and I checked my ticket and discovered that the government would not let me fly to LAX, but I could fly to San Diego on next Thursday, if I would just wait at the airport.
I’m letting things drop. I hope they’re small things that I’ll be able to pick back up later, but I have this nagging suspicion that I’m neglecting big things and I’m just too frazzled to see what they are.
L.A. will be fine once I get there.
I just need to get situated. Put some Diet Dr Peppers in my mini fridge and find me a map of the city. If I have a mini fridge. If I can find my hotel.
Some days, I just feel like I suck. Like the problem must really be me, that I don’t know what I’m doing and the things I do know how to do, I don’t do as well as I should, but no one’s saying anything. I feel like I have no discernable skills and no other options. I’m just hanging on until someone finally points out that they could hire a monkey to do what I do and a monkey would not still be sitting in her pajamas at 8:10, when she should be at work.
I am never, ever, scheduling myself like this again. Seriously, two trips, with a week of meetings between them, no time off for almost three weeks? Look at me. We’re just now at the halfway point and I’m depressed and fucked up.
And stupid enough to admit it in public.
Tiny Cat Pants 
>and a monkey would not still be sitting in her pajamas at 8:10, when she should be at work.Obviously, because last time I checked, monkeys do not wear pajamas. Those little poo-flingers prefer to sleep in the nude.
Write it down, get it out, let it go.Take a few deep breaths and stop listening to all the things that tell you what you can’t do.Look around for something that catches your eye, or makes you think or brings you happiness. It doesn’t have to be big or special or extraordinary. Just a little spot of pleasure in your morning.Then get up and keep moving. The easy part is sitting still. I think the leaves are just about at their peak today. The colors are gorgeous.
I forgot to say this, but when/if you come back to Memphis, go to Pho Hoa Binh.
"I’m letting things drop. I hope they’re small things that I’ll be able to pick back up later, but I have this nagging suspicion that I’m neglecting big things and I’m just too frazzled to see what they are."I’ve discovered the beauty of the small notebook. I carry it around and write all kinds of stuff in it: things i need to do, things i need to buy, all kinds of stuff. As soon as i think of it it goes in the notebook!Breathe deeply!
"L.A. will be fine once I get there."I know YOU’LL be fine.L.A., I’m a little worried about.Take it with a vengeance, B.! Have a great trip.