I don’t like Bob Seeger for the same reason I don’t like Lou Reed: something about their voices makes my soul want to die. It’s not an aesthetic thing. What goes in the ear sounds fine, but there’s something raw and lonely there that feels too much like an indictment of me that I don’t know how to address.
I have to turn it off.
According to Richardson Zoo, Shelbyville is considering a breed ban on pit bulls after a couple of attacks. Y’all know that I think breed bans are stupid, but I’m really tired of reading about "pit bulls" attacking people. It is just not that hard to own a pit bull that doesn’t go around attacking people. What the fuck is wrong with people?
I, at the least, have some advice for pit bull owners (or the folks in charge of pit bulls, if you’re just watching the dog for someone else).
1. Unless your dog is so well-trained that it will always drop whatever it is doing, no matter how interesting, and return to you when you command it to, do not let your dog outside off-leash. My dog has lept into a tree over my head after a squirrel. A fenced-in yard is really no deterrent to a determined dog.
2. Don’t leave your dog outside unsupervised. If you are not outside, the dog is not outside. The pitbull breeds are bright dogs.
a.) If they see that all the pack is going in and out of the house at will, they may use their time to figure out how to move up in the pack. If you have kids who go in and out of the house and a pit bull who’s never allowed in the house, you are creating a recipe for disaster, because that dog may see taking that kid out as a way of moving up in the pack and thus into the house.
b.) Or they may think that they’re being left outside to defend the pack’s territory. Sadly, most pit bulls are not well-acquainted with the concept of property lines, and so, if it seems like your little old lady neighbor and her yappy dog are coming too close to what your dog has decided is its pack’s territory, again, you are creating a recipe for disaster.
3. Some dogs do have bad experiences with children. It’s just a dog, no matter how bright or special, it’s still just a dog. If you know your dog has had bad experiences with children, don’t continue to put it in situations where it has to deal with children. Mrs. Wigglebottom, for instance, once got hit on the head with a cow femur by a little boy and she reacted unpleasantly.
No one was killed, but stitches were involved and that’s why she came to live with the child-free people in our family. She likes kids, but she’s uncertain around them. So, we’ve instituted a rule that, when the kids are here, they can feed the dog whenever and whatever they like–dog treats, pizza crusts, dog food, partially-hamburgers, whatever–and no one else may feed her. We’re creating a new connotation for her for little boys. When they show up, it’s a grand and special time for her and they are the cause, not of pain for her, but for getting fed, which she loves.
But the kids understand that they have to be careful around her and treat her gently. And she knows that they aren’t here on a permanent basis.
I’m not saying that a pit bull is the easiest dog in the world to own–they’re not types of dogs I would recommend to inexperienced dog owners–but really, there is no excuse for all of the pit bull related problems there are except that people are assholes who don’t take their responsibilities as dog owners seriously.
I advise you to consider Uncle’s advice, which is slightly different than mine, but along the same lines.
My dad is worried that we aren’t going to have a tree this year, so I bought some decorations and lights so that we can decorate the Butcher’s tree. If it turns out cool, I’ll take a picture of it. The Butcher is so talented and this is a tree he made out of wire years ago. I think it’ll look cool.
I also bought a funky cool Santa that, given an eye-patch, could double as a tree-loving Odin the rest of the year.
Only syncretic home decor for us!
Mary Cheney, congratulations on your baby. It must be nice to be so rich and powerful, with a family so well connected that, even as you stick your face in the pussy of the woman you love and she returns the favor, unlike every other pussy-licking pregnant woman in America, you don’t have to worry about whether you and your family are "real."
Isn’t it nice that you can just be pregnant and your Republican daddy is so powerful that everyone who thinks you’re an immoral deviant who’s going to burn in Hell has to stand there and smile like they’re pleased for you?
Wouldn’t it be great if we all had powerful Republican daddies who could clear our way even as as his party moved to make life even more difficult for the un-special folks?
Gosh, yes, that’d be so cool.
So, live the dream, Mary, live the dream.
I hope you feel guilty, I really do.
Fuck you for being able to force America to treat you better than it treats everyone else in your boat.
Tiny Cat Pants 