Stimulating the Mind

Important Things I’ve Learned by Looking at Centuries Old Porn

Silent reading can lead to sinful things like women masturbating or nuns looking at their genitals in the mirror.

The proper technique for masturbating while reading silently is to read until you are overcome with desire for yourself, swoon onto a big chair, with one hand, reach under your dress, with the other, casually drop your book on the ground, shut your eyes and lay back with a small, but cute smile on your face.  Ignore any distraught men standing nearby.

You, modern viewer, may not be able to tell if something naughty is happening in any given picture.  Check for a small dog.  For some reason, a small dog is an indication things of a sexual nature are happening in the picture.  Of course, if the small dog is licking the genitals of the woman swooning in her big chair with her book dropped casually to the ground, you’ll probably pick up on the sexual nature of the art without needing my help.

People in early porn seem much happier than people in contemporary porn.  “Shall I stick this bottle in your vagina, Sylvia?”  “What a delightful idea, Emma!”  “I could tell by your smile you might think so.”  Sometimes the person in the picture who is the stand-in for the viewer looks salacious or creepy, but the people on display look really happy.

A recurrent theme in antique porn seems to be drawings of men doing amazing feats of strength with their penises.  One man was carrying groceries.  Another was balancing an elaborate tea set.

Anyway, I’m just tickled by this idea that women reading silently to themselves cannot help but be so stimulated by the mental exertion that they must find physical relief.  That delights me. 

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Was Terry Frank Secretly Moved by Coble’s Wisdom?

You all may recall how Terry Frank tried to argue that gay people should not be allowed to get married because they cannot have children together and how the ability to have children is at the center of every real marriage (or some such jazz) and how Coble had to point out that making the ability to have children central to the definition of what a real marriage is leaves a lot of childless folks with marriage licences out of marriage.

There was some back and forth.  Frank pretended not to get Coble’s point.  Coble got angry.  Frank pretended like she didn’t understand why Coble was so angry and so on. 

The Lesson: Judge Frank by the content of her heart, not by the implications of her words.  Or something.

I remind you of all of this only to point you to Frank’s latest tempest in a teapot.  She’s determined that there’s something, anything, she’s not sure what but she will find it, disingenuous about the Governor’s Christmas card.

Today, she says:

In the interview over at WKRN, Bredesen says that Christmas is “about children and protecting children.” That’s what Christmas is all about, he says.

Well, I didn’t know that. What if you don’t have children? What if you aren’t around children? What if you happen to be the rare individual who doesn’t like children? I guess it’s "NO CHRISTMAS FOR YOU!"

Or perhaps I should offer a more optimistic perspective: "Children, the reason for the season."

But I ask you, just to consider, if we substituted Frank for Bredesen and Christmas for marriage, how is that any different than what Coble accused Frank of?

Doesn’t the "fixed" excerpt below sound very similar to what Coble said?

In the interview over at WKRN, Frank says that marriage is “about children and protecting children." That’s what marriage is all about, she says.

Well, I didn’t know that. What if you don’t have children? What if you aren’t around children? What if you happen to be the rare individual who doesn’t like children? I guess it’s "NO MARRIAGE FOR YOU!"

Or perhaps I should offer a more optimistic perspective: "Children, the reason for the wedding."

Is it just me or does that seem weird, that Frank would call Bredesen on the very thing she does?

Would You Rather Have Wings or a Tail?

I think I’d rather have wings, if they worked.  I don’t know, though, seeing as how I’m deathly terrified of heights.  Would having wings make the fear less, because I’d feel more in control of the situation, or would it make it worse because, by virtue of flying, I’d be up high?

Hard to say.

I bet Coble would like a tail, if it were prehensile, just because of her love of monkeys.  I wonder if I’m right…

A Nice Benefit to Living with The Butcher

We had steak for dinner tonight, that he made, that was waiting for me when I got home.

It had a nice, light secret sauce, which remains a secret, as he wouldn’t tell me what it is.

I like that guy.  Plus, he can turn any piece of crap cut of meat into something tasty.

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