He Died How He Lived

My cousin, who you may recall, had just come out of a year-long substance abuse program at Thanksgiving and got a big write-up in the paper which pissed me off to no end, did what you’d expect last night.

He overdosed and died, leaving his body for his daughter to find.

I feel kind of like a wreck about this.  Not for him.  Who didn’t see this coming?

But for my uncle, who took him in and raised him like a son and who supported every half-assed attempt he made to get clean. 

And for my mom and dad, who kept him every summer from the time they were married until the recalcitrant brother was born and who loved him.

And for his brother and sisters.  I cannot imagine the pain of losing one of my brothers.  It’d be like losing a chunk of my heart.

But especially for his kids.  Especially for his daughter, who had to find him like that. And for whom Christmas time will always be when their dad killed himself and they had to find him.

They deserved better than that.

20 thoughts on “He Died How He Lived

  1. I have a much loved cousin who is in this same sort of shape at this very moment. This is sorta what we all expect to happen to him. He’s just gotten into a program that is probably his last shot.I’m so sorry.

  2. Oh, B, I’m so sorry. For his children, for you, for the whole family. Even for him. May you find some peace (and peace of mind) in the midst of all this.

  3. B., I am so sorry and my thoughts will be with you and your family and especially his kids. Having dealt closely with addiction in loved ones for so many years, this stuff still never ceases to shake me up. It’s so needless and such a shame. I am so sorry and my thoughts are with all of you.

  4. Oh, I’m so sorry. My half-sister’s Dad did the same thing this year, on her birthday, no less. It’s just horrible for everyone involved. The one relief in it all (in my sister’s Dad’s case—I wouldn’t want to make assumptions about whether knowing this is any relief for your family), is that now he can’t hurt anyone (or himself) any more. This is as bad as it gets, and from here on in things will only get better.I hope that didn’t sound too trite.

  5. B Teckla, My sympathies to you and to your, and his, family. My dad killed himself at Christmas, too. It takes everyone a long time to heal, if they do, so healing is what I wish for all of you.

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