I took my parents to the park this morning to walk the walk Mrs. Wigglebottom and I walk to soothe our souls and wear out our bodies.
There were a few blue jays and some cardinals, but otherwise, it was pretty cold and quiet.
I don’t know if it worked or not. We’ll have to see.
We aren’t going to the funeral. I’m not sure why. We were going to talk about going but we never did and now we’re not.
I’m almost done talking about this, I promise. I just need to move through it and leave myself some record of having moved through it.
Grieving is like being dumped in the middle of a lake with no rescue coming. You’ve just got to keep moving, slowly at first, but there’s no other way. That’s how you get through it. You start to move in the direction you need to go, even if your heart isn’t in it, even if you can’t remember why you need to go there. You just keep moving.
So, that’s what I’m doing. Just moving.
Can’t and don’t want to even attempt speaking to particulars, but I can say this strikes very close to home here at Devil HQ. Do it your own way, in your own time, and that’s just about all I’ve ever figured out one/you can do (sorry for poor grammatical construction there).Your candor and braveness in even putting this out here is beyond incredible, so I’ll shut up now and just say I have the utmost respect for your courage in the face of this thing that’s been put before you.
Amen, sister. Amen.
Striking home here in the west side of the state as well. With the deaths of Squirrely’s dad and grandmother in just a matter of three months, I can see so much pain in her face that she looks as if she is imploding.I can’t fix it.There are times I’ll see her just staring into space as if she sees something that I can’t. The only thing I can give her is empathy, because I felt that bone chilling grief when my mother died.B., I’m so sorry for you loss. I really am.
Would it help you if you did go to the funeral? Because just because the rest of your nuclear family isn’t going is no reason that you shouldn’t, if it will ease anything for you. You’re right, though, that you have to keep going.
No, it’s too late. It’s this afternoon at two and it’s an eight hour drive up there, so I couldn’t get there in time at this point anyway.
Hope you don’t mind a stranger dropping a comment, but I’ve been enjoying the hell out of your blog since I discovered it a few days ago, and I thought I’d take the opportunity to introduce myself and leave a quick book recommendation on the subject of grieving and such. I’m Kwach. The book is "The Year of Magical Thinking." Joan Didion wrote it to work through the grieving process after the death or her husband, John Dunne. I’ve recommended it to several people recently … unfortunately.Really love your blog … and I’m looking forward to payday. I totally want a "Tiny Cat Pants" coffee mug. : )Kwach