Random Things–The ‘Is Television Ruining Me?’ Edition

–We watched “My Super Sweet Sixteen” last night and I had two reactions.  1.) The girl was right.  Her float did suck initially.  2.) I can understand why the girls eat this up, but can someone explain to me why the parents aren’t mortified to discover that they’ve raised an incredibly diva-esqu brat?

–Carla on the “Scrubs” repeat said that a woman had a tattoo on her vagina.  Is it too much to ask that a show, even a comedy, about medicine not call a woman’s whole cooter her vagina?

–That being said, I dreamed you all were very small and I was smuggling you into prison in my cooter, so that you could keep me company.  I’m not sure why I was going to prison.  I do kind of like the idea of keeping fifty tiny people in my person at all times, to pull out when I need friendly support.

–Do you remember how, on WCW, fifty million refs would swarm the ring in order to sell how dangerous someone was?  Why has the WWE never managed to figure out how cool that was?

–I find Sean Bean in The Hitcher commercials to be strangely attractive.  When he admits that he is not good, I just want to give him a hug.  Am I supposed to find him so damn hot?  It seems like that would ruin the movie.

46 thoughts on “Random Things–The ‘Is Television Ruining Me?’ Edition

  1. Y’know, I have a tattoo. On my chest, sitting just above my right boob. It’s a cute little rose, and the stem dangles just barely into boob territory.And y’know, that is some pretty sensitive area right there. And while the rest of the tat felt like a mild bee sting, that little piece of stem was noticably more painful. In fact, I’m mostly just glad it wasn’t designed to go any lower.That being said, I’m not sure I could see anyone tattooing something as sensitive as, well, any part of their genitals. Know it is done in some circles (never seen a parlor that would do it, it would have to be a very custom home job), but honestly? Often enough to put in a TV show? Please.

  2. Hey, a friend of mine, a nurse doing ER rotation, said that a woman came in one night because a plant was growing out of her vagina. And, sure enough, it was. And when prompted to try to help them figure out how that could be, she sort of thought that a couple of weeks earlier she had shoved a sweet potato up herself because "it felt like something was falling out." And, sure enough, in addition to a sweet potato vining out of her, she had a prolapsed uterus. My friend swears and swears and swears that this is a true story she witnessed personally. Nothing I ever see on a medical show, except for Izzy not being punished for negligently homiciding her fiance, will ever seem more extreme to me than that. Maybe the woman really (in terms of the show) had a tattoo on her vagina.

  3. It didn’t seem as if they were peering into her though. I could have missed it.I love this plant story so much I’m going to believe that it’s true, just on principal.

  4. 1) B, what did you eat for dinner before you dreamed of 50 tiny people in your cooter?2) I believe the plant story…in talking to some of the ER nurses where I work, you’d be amazed at what gets stuck in vaginas and anuses…i.e., a guy once came in w/ a Ken doll stuck up his ass…

  5. For the grown-up version of those Sweet 16ers, watch the Real Housewives of Orange County, second season premiering tonight on Bravo. And yet, I can’t tear myself away.

  6. Well…Given the fact that I, in High School, rented and watched The Hitcher about 2000 times because of my unrelenting crush on Rutger Hauer (who had the Sean Bean role in the original), I will excuse you. ;-p

  7. See! And that’s my point. How am I supposed to root for whoever he kills against him? Even in The Lord of the Rings I was all like, well, Faramir, you look like some kind of mid-card wrestler and Boromir looks like a scruffy and delicious Sean Bean. Who can blame your dad for liking him best?Veronica, do you think so? That flabbergasts me.Ginger, I had shrimp fried rice, and pretzels and icing.

  8. A: I can’t believe no one watched 24 last night and Sunday night.B: I will NEVER look at a Ken doll the same way from this point on – OR a sweet potato.

  9. Oh, I think so. I’ve seen a few episodes of that show (I’m addicted to Made, and SS16 comes on after it quite a bit) and it’s seems to be the same dynamic every time:1.) The Dad just wants to throw money at her, ’cause that’s how he "loves" her.2.) The Mom is the one that trained the diva-esque behavior in the first place. And, the mom will invariably get all teary-eyed at how pretty the little diva is, because she’s usually been taught that "prettiness" is the entirety of her worth as a human.Besides… who do you think actually does the planning for those big shindigs? Surely the diva doesn’t have the gumption.

  10. Okay, true enough. What struck me last night was that the girl really only looked 16. Some of them look older, but she was still at that "one more growth spurt" stage and so seeing her in all her "sexy" outfits was like seeing a little girl playing dress up. They’re just so young it’s hard for me to hold their stupidity against them, but the parents irritate the shit out of me.I keep thinking, what type of world are you preparing these girls for? But I guess the world is made for them, in a lot of ways.

  11. Did any of the 50 people you smuggled into prison inside your cooter happen to bring a file? That would’ve been handy.

  12. A friend of Mr. Smiff’s has a tattoo of a cooter on his chest…there in the middle. We have a photo of it somewhere, but, you can’t tell what it is.

  13. my unrelenting crush on Rutger HauerThat’s what those in the field of psychology refer to as a RED FLAG. Your parents should have held an intervention.Rutger Hauer was a good actor, and creepy and all, but crush-material? RED FLAG!

  14. Jon, you’re my resident prison expert. I’d hope that, if smuggled any place in my cooter, you’d be prepared for various contingencies.

  15. The world isn’t made for them. It made them. ‘My Super Sweet Sixteen’ is a gigantic kick in the ovaries for post-modern feminism. But how are you, dahling? Have you eaten any sushi lately?

  16. No, it’s not just you. Sean Bean is hot, even as a psycho. We all have, at least to some extent, that dark fantasy of being the one to reform the bad guy…oohh do we ever.

  17. All right, so in spite of the naysayers (cough*exador*cough) we can clearly say that the casting directors of both The Hitcher movies have grossly overestimated our capacity to overlook the hotness of the psycho killer or to give a damn about whatever pretty young couple he’s terrorizing. I mean, please, if Sean Bean wants to scare the shit out of some kids from "The O.C." and then kill them, who’s complaining? And who was Rutger Hauer even paired against? Clearly, we don’t miss them.TV! How the hell are you? Is "My Super Sweet 16" really a refutation of contemporary feminism or just a clear layout of what our opposition has to offer?

  18. Rutger was terrorizing a couple of nobodies named C. Thomas Hall and Jenifer Jason Leigh. That’s fucking who!Sure, CTH never amounted to much after Soulman, but Jennifer Jason Leigh is the tits.Don’t get me wrong, Sean Bean kicks ass and all, but he is no Rutger Hauer. Despite all the cool roles Bean has played, none approach the sublime brilliance of Roy Batty.

  19. Oh, no, Rutger, please don’t kill the mom from Back to the Future! Sarcastro thinks she’s dreamy!I would never claim that Sean Bean is a better actor than Rutger Hauer, but I must disagree with Kat and say that he’s hotter. Neither of them are as hot as Harrison Ford (who, coincidentally, they’ve both been in movies with), but it’s easy enough to rank 1. Ford 2. Bean 3. Hauer hotwise. Acting wise? I’d have to go 1. Hauer 2. Ford 3. Bean, but with two and three being very close.

  20. Sorry to hear that whatever Mid-western podunk town you grew up in didn’t have a video store. One would think that you had the ability to look something up on the internet even though you no longer live in East Jockstrap, IL. Leah Thompson was the mom in Back to the Future.Jennifer Jason Leigh was in Fast Times at Ridgemont High, Last Exit to Brooklyn, Single White Female, The Hudsucker Proxy, Mrs. Parker and the Vicious Circle, Bastard Out of Carolina, Short Cuts and Georgia.Nor did I say she was "dreamy". She’s a good actress.

  21. Oh my god! Those are two separate women?! I would have never looked that up on the internet because it never occurred to me that those were two different women. They look exactly the same.And yet, they have two different names, and so they must be.Huh. Well, you learn something new every day.

  22. I gotta question the dreaminess of any of those guys you list, B. At least Ford usually lets a sense of humor peek through, which is sort of attractive. But none of them gets anywhere close to dreamy. IMO, of course.

  23. My bad, Lea Thompson. Not Leah.She was the Caroline in the City chick. Other than both being in 80’s teen movies, they don’t really look alike. You should check out Flesh + Blood with Rutger Hauer and Jennifer Jason Leigh. Right up your alley.

  24. Well, when we’re talking about people who’ve starred as the villains in horror flicks and who’ve also appeared in movies with Harrison Ford, you have to admit that the field is rather limited.If I had to pick the dreamiest guy on the planet (aside from Exador, of course), I would choose Idris Elba–Stringer Bell on The Wire. That man is so handsome he makes my teeth hurt. And Stephen Colbert second, of course.

  25. Sar, it doesn’t matter if they look different in real life. I just assumed she was good at looking different in different roles. Sure, now it’s clear they aren’t the same woman, but…Oh my god! I’m totally Terry Frank. Just as she resists giving up her idea of the governor’s Christmas card being a ripoff of a National Geographic cover (and she’ll use quotes from people writing about Al Gore to prove it), I have a hard time letting go of the idea that Jennifer Jason Leigh and Lea Thompson are the same person.There’s a lesson here, though what it is, I don’t know.

  26. Finally! I got you to admit that you and Terry Frank are essentially the same. Just like Lea Thompson and Jennifer Jason Leigh. Victory is mine!I feel so empty now.

  27. Hmm, though I bet the Germans probably have an exact word for that feeling of emptiness that comes after the extreme, almost sexual, satisfaction of bettering a witty woman with nice tits. I just don’t know what it is.

  28. Hey, if you really want to feed your Sean Bean fetish (and who doesn’t?), rent the Sharpe series, it was on TV in the UK in the early ’90’s, he’s young and scruffy and swash-buckling in Wellington’s army. Yum. Cheesy show, but in that perfect guilty pleasure kinda way. Don’t knock Faramir, he’s hot in his own way! But maybe it’s because my husband looks halfway between Sean Bean and David Wenham, he’s the third unknown brother who wandered off in search of Guiness and missed the whole defending Gondor business.

  29. I love how the ‘feminists’ get all swooney over essentially a poster guy for the patriarchy, like a bunch of girls playing mystery date.Feminism is a facade and you know it. Deep down y’all want to be konked on the head and drug into a cave.

  30. p.s. I find it much easier to sleep after you’ve posted pictures of your back on the internet. Could we get some more of those? Maybe shirtless?

  31. Exador’s just being modest, trying to defer the honor onto Sean Bean, but actually, the Wayward Boyscout himself is literally the poster boy for the patriarchy.

  32. Oh, my god, this is the greatest thread ever! First Sarcastro is left spent and empty and now I’ve got Exador begging for help.Whew, folks, I’m feeling a little flush.

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