I had lunch with Mack today. It was nice and I had a good time, but I didn’t like it.
That’s not Mack’s fault–I adore him–, which is why I’m filing this under “Ways I’m Fucked Up.” He asked me a question and it was a good one, hard to answer, and it’s left me feeling all day like he caught me with my skirt tucked into my pantyhose.
I don’t know. It’s stupid. I probably shouldn’t bring it up, but I still feel upset about it, like I’m transparently… I don’t know what… something… I guess if I could call it something that would help.
But here it is. I feel like everyone can see that I’m [something I guess I hoped wasn’t obvious] and only Mack has had the courtesy to tell me.
But I can’t figure out how to articulate what that something is. And that’s really upsetting me.
I don’t know.
Sheltered. That’s almost right. He just inadvertently reminded me that I was raised up to flourish in a way of life I’ve walked away from and I’m not above my raising. And I don’t know why that’s upsetting to me, but it is.