Stace, Shall I Send My Used Tampons to You or to the Medical Examiner?

Dear Stace,

Do you mind if I call you Stace?  It’s just usually the men that are interested in what’s going on in my cooter either get called some kind of cute name or "Doctor" or, if I’m lucky, "Doctor [Cute Name]" and I kind of like it that way.  So, Stace it is.

Stace, thanks to Egalia, I’ve learned that you want to issue death certificates for aborted fetuses.  While I think she makes a "legitimate" point for a pinko commie hippie liberal man-hating feminist who wants to overthrow the government and install Nancy Pelosi as president for life* when she points out that you’d be issuing death certificates for "people" who don’t have birth certificates, I think she’s neglected to ask you the most important question.

Stace, if life begins at conception, why do you only want to issue death certificates for fetuses that are medically aborted?  Aren’t miscarried fetuses also dead?  If a fertilized egg is a person, if it fails to make it from conception to birth alive for any reason, shouldn’t it get a death certificate?  If a person comes into being in my reproductive tract and that person fails to implant itself on my uterus and is, instead, flushed out of my body with my menstrual blood, isn’t that person just as dead as the person you want to issue a death certificate for, who was aborted?

Well, isn’t it?

And, if it is just as dead, why aren’t you issuing death certificates for those blastocysts?

True, doctors estimate that between half and three-quarters of fertilized eggs, excuse me, people… between half and three quarters of people fail to implant in the uterus and are routinely lost without the uterus-carrier’s knowledge and so figuring out if a death has occurred is tricky.

But, since recognizing people’s deaths is so important to you, I’m sure you won’t mind helping the medical examiner examine every fertile woman’s menstrual blood.  After all, along with the blood and the endometrial chunks, there could be a dead person who needs a death certificate.  Surely, we owe it to humanity to make sure that no remains of dead people are just flushed down the toilet or taken out in the trash without some recognition by the state of what’s been lost.

And so, I eagerly await word from you.  Shall I send my used tampons directly to you at your home or would you prefer them sent to you care of the state capitol, and if so, do you need them in any particular special container?  If you do find a person among the tampons and pads, will you be burying it or cremating it?  And will I be responsible for any of those costs? 

Eagerly awaiting your reply,

Aunt B.



*Not all of these things are true.  I was just on a role roll**.

**A day will come when I learn to spell and on that day, I imagine, I’ll become invincible.

31 thoughts on “Stace, Shall I Send My Used Tampons to You or to the Medical Examiner?

  1. Does being on a "role" have anything to do with Esther Rolle?Esther Rolle played the role of Maude’s maid when Maude got an abortion. See how that comes full circle?

  2. When you hear back from him, let me know. I’ve been saving my excised uterus in the fridge for his perusal. (Unfortunately, however, I do not still have my right ovary on ice. The doc tossed it because it was full up of hateful horrible cancerous pre-people.)God help us all. Little children being beaten, elderly people going hungry, and all ninnies like him want to do is get up in women’s crotches. (There’s a really bad joke there, but I won’t pursue it.)

  3. Naw…this is STRATEGY. And a damn good one. Overcompliance is a good way to founder stupid laws. Have you filed your FOIA request yet?

  4. Well, the DOJ collects a lot of info on ordinary citizens doing ordinary things. They’ve particularly stepped up the collection of data on groups that they consider left-wing…like Quakers and bicycling clubs and peak oil reading groups and stuff. Under FOIA (though it’s been eroded), one has the right to see what’s being collected on oneself. If nothing has been collected, the request itself starts the file. An effective counter to the stockpiling of useless information is creating a rolling snowball of useless information that must be secured, processed, stored, digitized, and periodically reaccessed. If every person in the US filed a handful of FOIA requests (request are usually free), the resulting management problems would help to hamstring the burgeoning domestic security surveillance apparatus. If you’re into that sort of thing. So all you libertarians get your bad selves busy with that DOJ-361, hear?

  5. "Stace, if life begins at conception, why do you only want to issue death certificates for fetuses that are medically aborted? Aren’t miscarried fetuses also dead?"B,I’m not exactly on topic with you here, but I have an answer for this question followed by a question.Medically aborted and miscarried fetuses are both dead so the answer to your questions is "yes". Without opening the entire abortion debate can of worms, I’m curious about your opinion. Medically aborted fetuses are carried out by man and miscarriages are an act of nature, Higher Power, whatever you want to call It/Him/Her.How can you lump both of those together? I assume it because you do not believe life begins at conception. Am I correct?P.S. Let’s not turn this into another shit storm. I’m simply asking for a clarification.

  6. Ha, I’m sorry. Representative Cutie McEvil is hilarious.Is Representative Stacey "Cutie McEvil" Campfield not the best nickname ever?

  7. Netmom, I bow to you. Campy is perfect and Campy it is. I reserve the right to occasionally call him Cutie McEvil, though, just because he is.

  8. Hey Aunt B… one question… if there are fertilized eggs on your tampons… did you choose to eject them? Or did they wind up there naturally?

  9. Does it matter? According to Campy, those are all dead humans. We don’t say "Well, he died in a car wreck; let’s issue him a death certificate. Oh, he died in his sleep; he doesn’t get one." How can it be any different for the humans in my uterus?

  10. in terms of death certificates? It means little. You’re correct. A death is a death is a death.But the question is greatly relevant to your pro-babykilling position.You didn’t choose to kill them… therefore its not murder. Its death by natural causes.But when one chooses to kill… that’s called murder.Then again… all of this can be avoided if you’d rather just provide an objective moment that an unborn child is considered a human life.I suspect however you’d rather not get involved in either discussion, as you’re smart enough to realize that on these terms you can’t win… though you could score a draw in one way I can think of.Maybe you’d rather choose different terms?I’m up for it. I’ll even promise to play nice.

  11. I believe an unborn child is a human life from the moment of conception, even before a woman is pregnant (which, as you know) happens after conception. I just don’t believe that’s a person under the law.However, I’m all for declaring unborn children legal persons if it means applying the law evenly to both people. If I came into your house, you decided you no longer wanted me there, and I refused to leave, you’d have the right to have the police remove me by force. If I died as the police were removing me, that’d be too bad, but I shouldn’t have refused to leave when you asked me.Correct?

  12. I don’t think that’s correct. Just to play devil’s advocate, it’s more analogous to the situation where … I don’t know, you invited a wheelchair-bound guest into your house, and then put a small barrier (low enough to step across but there’s no way to roll over it) across the door and told your guest you didn’t want him there anymore. Is that fair? You knew the score when you invited your guest in. Is your guest really refusing to move if he can’t get out?

  13. Yes, but does that matter? The police would still come and remove the person in a wheelchair if I didn’t want him there, regardless of how difficult I made it for him to leave.But more importantly, doesn’t your analogy prove my point? It’s just in a practical sense difficult to imagine a fetus as a person. Once you start to, the "Well, it’s not exactly like that…" starts.Because, what you’re recognizing is that a fetus does not yet have the ability to assume certain legal responsibilities. It can’t decide to leave the uterus on its own before it’s born.It didn’t deliberately choose to be there in the first place. It’s dependent on its mother in a way that no person is ever dependent on another person.

  14. I don’t think so – I think I’m just recognizing the inapplicability of your analogy. After all, we don’t require that people be able-bodied to be "persons." Anyone who’s in a vegetative state still gets equal protection under the law (unless that anyone is Terri Schiavo, in which case she gets special consideration from politicians). Being a person isn’t just about assuming legal responsibilities, it’s about protection – that’s why we don’t put minors on juries, or give them the right to vote, but we still give them protections.To address your analogy more specifically, sure, the police would come and remove that person, but you’d be on the hook at the very least for false imprisonment. The point I’m making is that you can’t invite someone in and then take no responsibility for what happens to them. You’ve taken action, not just "let something happen," and the law draws a distinction there.I guess what I’m trying to say is I’m down with your overarching idea here, but I don’t like the way you justified it just now with the idea of someone just being a guest.

  15. Yeah, it might be faulty. Plus, I didn’t invite a person into my uterus. I invited a penis into my vagina and it left some stuff after it went home.

  16. You invited the penis into your vagina knowing full well what the consequences may be. You know for example that birth control sometimes fails. It was a risk you chose to take.And no.. its not to bad for the person killed by the police. The police have committed murder. Policemen don’t get to kill in the name of the law. They only get to kill in order to defend themselves or others.So in short, you’d have to show that the paraplegic in question had the means and opertunity to kill you, and was in the process of attempting to do so, before you could legally kill him in self-defense.That’s the law in Tennessee.I knew the legal stuff from that Concealed Carry class would come in handy one day!Further on the legal front… we can’t start splitting hairs over which humans have basic human rights and which don’t can we? Are we so bold as to say, this human has rights but this one doesn’t.. based on what? physical location? age? looks? It has human DNA and its alive… but its in an inconvenient location and it looks funny… so I can kill it? Is this the road you really want to go down legally?If we do that… what makes us better than Hitler?

  17. Nate, come now. It’s not just physical location like "Are you in the kitchen or in the living room." It’s physical location like "Are you a fully-formed human being who’s emerged from the womb or not?" You said yourself you love things with no shades of gray. Out of the womb alive–legal person. In the womb–potential person. It doesn’t get any more black and white than that.There’s no contesting it; it’s easily agreed on. Everyone can tell when it’s happened and it’s not open for debate. Either you’re outside the womb alive or you’re not.As for bringing Hitler into it, I wish you wouldn’t. It’s not a direct analogy and it only serves to make civil discourse nearly impossible.

  18. Okay, so how about a blighted ovum? That is where you think you are pregnant, your body goes through the motions of pregnancy, you have all the tests and they are positive . . . but it’s just an empty pregnancy sac. I’ve had three blighted ovums that aborted themselves. I am diabetic and have to take a medication that makes me ovulate ALOT. So, if I end up pregnant at 39 years old and actually have a fetus there this time, but end up with massive birth defects detectable early enough, pro-lifers say I cannot abort and try again, but MUST have this child, which could be my one and only shot, and my husband’s family’s only shot. But, what if you went to have an abortion and didn’t even know it was a blighted ovum? There was no fetus, just an empty pregnancy sac, so there was no death to certify. How much do you think it costs to verify this information? So much for reducing deficits . . .You know, they don’t even provide grief counseling to women who have miscarriages. It is so common in ERs, they act like it’s no big deal. And these were people who wanted to KEEP their babies. Will we issue death certificates after a D&C?Ectopic pregnancy?Should we insist on insurance for possible pregnancies and fetus insurance? Hold full funerals and announce it in the paper? Oh yeah, deaths get published in the paper, don’t they?Yes, we should all send our used tampons and pads to this nutjob and asked that they be analyzed.

Comments are closed.