Representative Campfield’s Chicken Salad Recipe

An anonymous source has sent me this chicken salad recipe from Representative Campfield.  Enjoy!


  • 8 chickens
  • 1 tablespoon mayonnaise
  • 2 tablespoons prepared Dijon-style mustard
  • 1 teaspoon dried dill weed
  • 1 teaspoon paprika
  • 1/2 red onion, minced
  • salt and pepper to taste


  1. Place chickens in a saucepan and cover with cold water. Bring water to a
    boil; cover, remove from heat, and let chickens stand in hot water for 10
    to 12 minutes. Remove from hot water, cool, peel and chop.

  2. In a large bowl, combine the chicken, mayonnaise, mustard, dill, paprika,
    onion and salt and pepper. Mash well with a fork or wooden spoon.

  3. Serve on bread as a sandwich or over crisp lettuce as a salad.


22 thoughts on “Representative Campfield’s Chicken Salad Recipe

  1. Well, I don’t like my chicken or tuna salads too mushy, but 1 tablespoon of mayo for 8 chickens is a bit too dry for my taste.And cooking a whole chicken for only 10-12 minutes? Sure, if you enjoy salmonella. I’ll pass. P.S. That’s gotta be one bigass saucepan to hold eight chickens.

  2. Peg! And here I thought I was being so funny, making a joke about how the man who makes no distinction between a fertilized egg and a baby would make no distinction between a chicken and an egg. But maybe it’s only funny to me.Damn. And I thought that was one of my better political entries.

  3. No, I’m a dope. My head is thick with sick stuff, and the finer, nuanced points are lost on me lately. Back to napping now…Though that recipe as written could surely cause some miscarriages, which he could then track and issue death certificates to.

  4. Way back in an argument with Ed, nm talked about making marinara with little yellow flowers (biologically indistinguishable from a tomato, a tomato-to-be if you will).I had the same idea as Pegg. "Jebeezus, bloody chicken and dill. Yuck. Oh wait, there must be a joke in here I’m not getting…."

  5. Ah, well, then I’m prepared to give all credit to NM. I might not have consciously remembered it, but clearly it stuck with me.Perhaps, if she likes, she can be my anonymous source.

  6. I would love to have retroactively have sent you that tip. But since it would never in the world have occured to me so rework it so cleverly, I prolly shouldn’t claim it. Plus, I hate dill so if I had been your anonymous source I would have taken it out of the recipe.

  7. Well, you might think there’s some clear distinction between a chicken and an egg, Rachel, but I can assure you that Representative Campfield sees none.

  8. Mack, Campfield believes that a human life is a human being at every stage of development. I was attempting to show how no one can hold that belief with any consistency through taking this simple egg salad recipe and changing all the "egg"s to "chicken"s. After all, the difference between a tasty meal and a gross life-threatening one is precicely the difference between an egg and a chicken.

  9. I have to admit I didn’t get it either—I can’t stand eggs, so I didn’t recognize the recipe. . .now that i get it, though, i’m highly amused :-D

  10. -pedant hat on-i think if you’d said, like, "omelet," it would’ve been clearer. cause on account of, there -is- such a thing as chicken salad, also."you can’t make an omelet without breaking a few chickens"or, the charming practice of Easter Chicken decoration and hiding.

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