A List of Types of People I Can Not Keep My Hands Off

1.  Soft, round women with soft lips and wicked smiles.

2.  Really androgynous looking women who are wearing aprons of any sort.

3.  Men above the age of 35.

 Let us spend a moment discussing the wonders of the men who are older than 35.  Let us list their good points.

1.  Cute little eye crinkles.

2.  They bring me drinks.

3.  They beg me not to fire them when I suggest that, when I’m rich, I will buy their employer, just for shits and giggles.

4.  Their faces are very interesting.

5.  They either smell really bad or really nice.

6.  Cute little eye crinkles. 

Ha, I said that already.

So, you may ask why I’m sitting here in my hotel room rather than letting cute guys buy me more drinks while I dashingly and flirtatiously offer to sing songs in their honor.

I blame Malia, who thinks it’s wrong to lead married men astray.

Thanks a lot, Malia.  My wanting for you to think well of me meant I spent the majority of my evening listening to bitter Floridians describe how a Jeb presidency is practically inevitable.

Depressing talk about Jeb Bush… Cute eye crinkles… Depressing talk about Jeb Bush…

Fine, depressing talk about Jeb Bush.

I hope you’re happy. 

10 thoughts on “A List of Types of People I Can Not Keep My Hands Off

  1. Men over 35 are just beginning to figure themselves out. Having one’s head on straight — as much as the eye crinkles, the straightforward manner, the salt and pepper hair, and the experienced appreciation of a woman’s body — is very sexy.

  2. Hmmm. Men over 35 are cute, true, but those who have taken an interest in me have, historically, been skeevy. After all, even now, that’d be…. thirteen years my senior. (And many of the examples I can think about happened betweeen the ages of 14 and 17)I do appreciate a good eye crinkle, though.Your other two types, though? I am in total agreeance. Little curvy women and really androgynous women are teh hot.

  3. "There are things about you/That make me wanna scream and shoutThere are things about you/That make me wanna lock you outBut there’s a little thing that drives me wildSomething that happens every time you smileI can’t get over the lines arond your eyes"Lines around your eyes every time you smileAnd the way you touch me darlin’ just drives me wildSometimes I don’t know what we’re fightin’ aboutBut that don’t mean we can’t work things out’Cause I love you darlin’ and the lines around your eyes" Lucinda Williams

  4. Oh, my god, Mag, are you some kind of child genius?! NM, I should have figured that Lucinda Williams would understand the joys of crinkly wrinkles.

  5. *laughs*No, not a child genius. I was just a kid that wound up working in rather adult places (hospital, medical law office, architectural firm…), and a person who happens to look and act older than she is. Totally sketchy when people start asking if you (17) are the mother of your sisters (15 and 12, respectively, at the time).Now I still look older, but that’s good, because it means I fit in at work. Everyone blinks a lot and stutters when they figure out that ‘I graduated from college in May’ means ‘some of you have been working here for longer than I’ve been alive.’

  6. I’m not only happy, I’m estatic! :-D Go me! ;) I also happen to think of myself as a soft, round woman with soft lips and a wicked smile but to my recollection you’ve never as much shook my hand. What’s that all about?(Sorry I didn’t see this sooner…been under the weather. Hmmm, maybe shouldn’t shake my hand after all!)

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