I’m in a Snit, Big Time

I don’t even want to get into it except to say that I spent the most egregious afternoon of my professional career today.

I’m not going to blog about work because I need my job, but let’s say that I was hired to take care of horses.  My duties include keeping them fed, watered, and free from shit.  And then I was told nothing else about it. 

Then, imagine that, after eight years, I discovered that most people remove the horses from the stalls before shoveling the shit out with a shovel instead of attempting to dodge the horse while scooping it out by hand.

Y’all, I feel hopeless.  I feel like I have just both fucked my life up beyond repair and been played for a fool.  And I just can’t see how to fix this.

I have half a mind to just not get on that plane tomorrow, but I would miss my dog.

I’m just saying, though, I can understand why people do it, just walk away from their lives.

I would rather do anything else in the world than feel like I was being made an ass of every damn day.

Y’all, I think I’d be an asset to anyone who knew what to do with me.  I’m bright.  I learn things quickly.  I’m curious.  People feel at ease around me and I put off an aura of confidence.  I speak well in public.  I write well.  I think I’m a good employee.  I don’t sew dissent around the office.  I work hard.

But god damn, I feel so low.  I can’t even tell you.

Maybe I’ll just go to bed.

I’m tired of listening to myself complain about this.

This just sucks so much. 

23 thoughts on “I’m in a Snit, Big Time

  1. I try to avoid writing about it as well, but I clock in each day to relative misery as well.I hate that you go through it as well.Are you doing what you love but other factors get in the way of your enjoyment? Or is it just past due time for a brand new chapter?

  2. Well, if someone hires a person to muck out the stables, and then lets them muck out the stables the hard way while sitting on the sidelines laughing I’d imagine the boss of the stable-mucking person was a) not a good manager b) a bit of an ass.From what little I know of it, I don’t see how YOU are the problem here. Granted, I would be a mite pissed off if I were you–at the person who never said "here’s an easier way." I’m still not clear on how YOU fucked up, though. I can understand being tired, being pissed and wanting a new life. But don’t be the person who takes on the mantle of someone else’s failure as your own. (All of this is easier said than done, I realise. Because I say it just fine, but never do do it myself…)

  3. I ate some dinner and I’m feeling better. Not about the shit shoveling, but I’m not feeling so destitute. I just hate that what should be a perfectly fine job has been ruined for me.And I hate feeling like I’ve been mislead.And, truthfully, I can’t believe a person would do that to another person without cause, so, yeah, I’m spending more time than necessary trying to figure out what I could do different that would make my life easier.And I’m just afraid that I don’t have any skills anyone else would want.

  4. Well, if someone hires a person to muck out the stables, and then lets them muck out the stables the hard way while sitting on the sidelines laughing I’d imagine the boss of the stable-mucking person was a) not a good manager b) a bit of an ass.From what little I know of it, I don’t see how YOU are the problem here. Granted, I would be a mite pissed off if I were you–at the person who never said "here’s an easier way." I’m still not clear on how YOU fucked up, though. I can understand being tired, being pissed and wanting a new life. But don’t be the person who takes on the mantle of someone else’s failure as your own. (All of this is easier said than done, I realise. Because I say it just fine, but never do do it myself…)

  5. sorry about the double comment. My computer is wigging out. I just hate that what should be a perfectly fine job has been ruined for me.Having had that exact same thing happen to me, I know just how pissed off that can make a person. It’s like someone went out of their way to ruin a good thing.

  6. Yeah, Jon is right.I swear if I was in Nashville, I would tell you the true story behind my day from Hell on Thursday.It’s not much different, I don’t think.I picked up the phone to quit.Karma stopped it because the Powers that be were at lunch.

  7. B – anyone who doesn’t see and understand your skills is blinder than Stevie Wonder and dumber than..uh, I’ll leave names out here. I’m sorry whatever happened has happened and really hope that it’s not as bad as you imagine.Your kindness to me yesterday will be long remembered.

  8. B – I don’t really understand what’s happened but I hate you’re going through this.Whatever comes out of this experience, I hope will be something marvelous. I’ve found some of the best things in my life have come out of the biggest piles of proverbial shit. Hang in there.

  9. B – I don’t really understand what’s happened, but I’m sorry you’re going through something like this.I hope something marvelous comes out it for you. I have generally found that most of the best things in my life have sprung forth from the biggest piles of proverbial shit, so I hope that for you too. Hang in there.

  10. Damn, Aunt B. I’m sorry."And I’m just afraid that I don’t have any skills anyone else would want."I go to this place periodically myself and it is wretched.

  11. What Katherine and the rest of them said. Sorry you’re in that place. Bastard people for pushing you in that direction.I’m sure you have many skills and just aren’t thinking of them as such at the moment. What about going to a career counselor or something of that sort?

  12. Damn them all to hell. I am not much of a believer in astrology but I read just read that our pal Mercury is in retrograde for the next three weeks so try and keep your gorgeous head down and wear your galoshes in the stable. I hope that the next little while is more feeding, watering and petting the pretty horses, maybe taking them out for a quiet walk and feeding them sugar cubes rather than scooping shit.

  13. B, what on earth? The person who is making you feel like a fool will get what’s coming. And while I bet that given a deep breath, you won’t be feeling so foolish, maybe you have also learned something useful here–at the very least, certain warning signs for a certain kind of manipulative person. You have mad skillz, and even snakes can help you add to them.

  14. So, here’s something funny. The Butcher has my car, my keys, and my dog. He’s still in Georgia, suffering from a big old hang-over.I’m sitting in an airport so that I can get on an airplane and sit around an airport until he gets up here.The good thing is that the weekend has gone from distressing to kind of funny. Which, you know, is good, to find that, at the end of my shit-brown rainbow is a pot o’ funny.I hope this comment posts. I can’t get squarespace to let me post a post or I’d have written this all there.But, yep, I have gone past utter despair into where I just don’t give a shit. Fine, I’ll get home eventually. It’ll be late, but I’ll get there.I just hope the Butcher makes it home safely, too.

  15. Hurray! That did work. I can’t post, but I can comment. So, anyway, thanks for all y’all’s kind words. I feel so bad that this blog has turned into 33% whining. I hope the slagging on Campfield makes up for it.

  16. Oooh, I hate it when people do things like that. Actually, that’s 95% of the reason I hate my current job. It, like yours, would be somewhere between rather nice and hella awesome for me… but instead makes me feel like shit. When you broke out the horse analogy, I just about fell over with fellow-feeling.*hugs* But it will be okay.And getting to that step of just being shit tired is a good first step. It’s a lot easier to make decisions when you just don’t care any more. Distance and whatnot. And emotional fatigue can be more useful than strength (if not always as good for the decisionmaking process).(And what is up with Squarespace? Not letting me comment on most computers is one thing, but not letting you post? What on earth are you paying them for, then?)

  17. You need to vent. where better than your blog? It is easier and more theraputic to vent into the blogosphere, where many of the *strangers* reading will leave supportive comments, that sometimes feel better than those we receive from people we know. Not sure if you read my blog from about february thru june of last year – but all I pretty much did was bitch. Bitch about my job. my life. my feelings of total and compelete inadequacy with what the fuck I was going to do work wise. WTF I was *good* at. What kinds of *skills* did I actually have.A year later, I am in a job that I enjoy. Everything happens for a reason. And while your expereince has been shitty – it is a motivator. It is time for you to move on. And, you WILL find something suitable for all those *mad skillz* you DO have.Rock on, sister. You can, and will, do it…..

  18. Pingback: Six Meat Buffet » Not What I Wont (ed.)

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