I Would Not Be Surprised to Learn that “Artist” is French for Dumbass

Well, this idea that I’m some uncouth mouthbreather who is just too filthy, filthy, filthy for good company continues to spread.  I would be bothered, but I think we all know what happens if just one more conservative women complains about my potty mouth.

Yes indeed, that ought to be enough to bring all those upstanding conservative men (and hell, maybe some of the women) sniffing around my door.  Lord knows I love you conservatives, but it is a fact proven over and over again that the thing you’re complaining about the most is usually the thing you’re fucking the hardest, so I’ll stock up on condoms and lube and put on my best commie hippie who’s ruining America face, and we can all have a good time (Shoot, I’m amiable.  I’ll even let you curl up on my couch afterwards and cry and feel guilty about what a good for nothing worthless piece of shit you are.  Just don’t pester the dog.  That’s all I ask.).

Anyway, all that was beside the point.  I just thought you’d find it interesting.

I know I told you all I turned my play in.  But the chick I turned it in to offered to read it and give me some last minute advice and so I took it and the last final draft is due Friday.

I just rewrote the ending.

What the fuck?  Am I a total dumbass or what?

I don’t know if it’s better, but it seems more right.

I’m about dying.  I’m past the point of being able to tell if it’s any good.

But what the fuck, right?

If I’m going to be the potty mouthed liberal Hollywood temptress that all the conservatives complain about, I’ve got to have some tangential relationship to art.  So, I guess I’m committed to seeing this through.

14 thoughts on “I Would Not Be Surprised to Learn that “Artist” is French for Dumbass

  1. Hmm. She misused the phrase "couldn’t care less" and I was unable to read any further. Excuse my OCD, haha. It was all I could do not to comment over there "I hate to get all up in the middle of people’s arguments, but I believe the phrase you were looking for is ‘couldn’t care less’, not ‘could care less’". I managed to shut up at the last minute and come comment over here, instead.

  2. Ivy! You took the words right out of my mouth! I even had a comment window open and decided against it.B. as always, you slay me! This –> "I’ll even let you curl up on my couch afterwards and cry and feel guilty about what a good for nothing worthless piece of shit you are. Just don’t pester the dog. That’s all I ask." is one of the funniest things I’ve read in a L O N G time! It brought back memories of good old Jimmy Swaggart confessing, "I have sinned!" Thanks for the howls!

  3. Ah yes. I was just lecturing about Elizabethan English justifications for killing the Irish by the thousands, burning their homes, stealing their livestock, denying them religious liberty, selling them into servitude, and dispossessing them collectively from their lands and homes. The Irish had "uncivil" speech, just like you. Fuck the prissy prose police, whose motto in life seems to be "be smug, cruel, judgmental, self-centered, rude, obtuse, misleading, defamatory, ignorant, and even actively injurious to people unlike yourself, but oh heavens, don’t profane." Standards must be upheld, y’know.

  4. I wonder how they fit all that on their letterhead. We need to find the graphic designer they have working for them and slap some sense into him or her.

  5. Who knew that all my swearing defined me politcally? My grandfather must have been a raving pinko commie liberal by these standards. Not.

  6. The argument at Krumm’s place seems to come out of the same vein as all these nice Southern ladies who swan about saying "Bless Your Heart" all the time as a covert tea dance form of Fuck You.Changing the words rarely alters the intent of the speech.

  7. "filthy, filthy, filthy"Reminds me of Nanny from the Eloise books who always say things in thrice like that to make a point.Ivy – Amen! That phrase gets all over my nerves when used incorrectly.

  8. Redemption is nigh. Aunt B., would you consider luring a few Democratic committee members into a cloakroom at the Capitol at a time I would indicate?

  9. I can see the headlines now: POLITICIANS ATTEND PRIVATE PLAY-READINGPraise Blogger’s ArtistryBlogger Says: I Used My Lambchop Voice

  10. Ha, Donna, I was about to agree, but then I realized that it seems like no matter what the Bredesen administration does, the scandal you expect to materialize never quite gets off the ground. So, heck, for you, I’ll try to lure them into a cloakroom at the Capitol that is filled with children’s coats, just to see if that might work!

  11. NM, my blogtastic crush on you continues fed by such genius comments as this. You have well-earned your Kofax nomination.

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