My dad and I are having a little fight, though it occurs to me that he doesn’t actually know we’re fighting. Maybe a more accurate way to describe it is that he thinks everything’s fine and my feelings are hurt.
I’ll just be honest with you. My feelings are hurt on two levels, one is altruistic; the other is selfish.
My feelings are hurt in an altruistic sense because of the following: my sister-in-law has not enrolled my youngest nephew in pre-school as she had agreed to do when my brother agreed to give him back to her.
This pisses me off.
I said, “God, that pisses me off.” and my dad said, “Well, there’s no point in getting pissed off. All you can do is smile and accept that that’s how life is. God will take care of it.”
If I were God, which I am not, I would be pissed off that perfectly capable, able people with some big old brains in their heads were waiting around for Me to do something when maybe the Something I was going to do involved them being motivated to do it.
I am tired, tired, tired, weary in my bones of having to listen to every single person in my family talk about my sister-in-law like she is some all-powerful force of nature who could, at any minute, wreck all our lives if we don’t always make every effort to appease her and appear as if we are no threat to her.
She’s just a person. A person I don’t like, but just a person. To make her into some mythological beast none of us are cut out to fight is unfair to everyone, even her.
And I’m pissed and hurt because I’m going to be in Chicago next week and my dad’s going to be in Naperville and when I called him and suggested we meet for dinner, he said “no.”
Then he said he was going to spend the night on the night in question down at my mom’s. Why don’t I drive clear down there and have dinner with them?
He can’t drive from Naperville downtown against rush hour traffic, but I can drive down to fucking Kankakee with rush hour traffic? As a compromise after he’s already said “no”?
Oh, gee, I wonder why I’m not in any big hurry to make that drive?
I have eleventy billion theories I was going to bore you with, but even I’m tired of explaining to myself that this is just how it is and I have to learn to accept it. It’s bullshit when others say it to me and it’s bullshit when I try to convince myself.