Let’s Switch It Up

It has become all “God, families suck” around here and so I propose a listing of ten things/memories about my crazy-ass clan of ne’er-do-wells that are awesome.

Let’s get started.

1. I love how the Butcher and I can be silently watching TV together and I’ll say something like, “God, that reminds me of pancakes” and he’ll say, “I always wondered what Clinton saw in Flowers” and we’ll both laugh and nod and go back to the TV show and know exactly what the other person meant.

2. I love how my Grandma A. always used to have tiny graham cracker pie crusts in her pantry, four to a package, and we would whoop up some chocolate pudding, put it in the pies, and she and my cousin M. and I would eat them as a special treat, just us girls.

3. I love how my nephews act like riding in the car with me is the biggest treat since sliced bread, even though I know it’s in part because I let them eat candy and drink pop.

4. I like how anyone in my family will break out into song for no reason, especially my dad’s amazingly rocking version of “There is a Fountain Filled with Blood” on the piano. I mean, he does the song on the piano, not that they have a fountain filled with blood on the piano.

5. I love how easy it is to scare my mom and how she screams with her whole self, just this unchecked “blaheghah!”

6. I like that they took us camping every summer.

7. I love how my Uncle B. always talked to us like we were adults and always listened carefully to what we were saying.

8. I loved teaching the Butcher how to drive.

9. I love how the recalcitrant brother is willing to stay up late or get up early just to make sure he has time to talk to you one on one.

10. Mrs. Wigglebottom. The dog of my heart and the dog of my soul. If not for everything that is fucked up about my family, she would have never come into my life and I would be much poorer for it. I’m thinking of changing my religion from the veneration of my ancestors to the veneration of the dogs of my ancestors, because, no matter how fucked up my family, they’ve always had awesome dogs.

6 thoughts on “Let’s Switch It Up

  1. Pingback: Nashville is Talking » Familial Friends

  2. That sibling connection is the reason I must bring forth at least one additional offspring — even if my siblings are also responsible for the prominent scar in middle of my forehead and the reason I compulsively lock the bathroom door to this day whenever I’m in it. I may have to introduce a modified version of this at my next family gathering. As with Slarti, we’ll credit you.

  3. Nobody’s family is perfect. We’re all dysfunctional in one way or another and that’s ok. The ways in which my family is majorly screwed up would fill the pages of many novels and make for great television. And that’s just my parents.

  4. I mean, the whole chapter about Dad’s second wife saying she was going shopping and then running off with Willie Nelson would make a great movie.

    Especially the part of how years later, he had heard the new Mrs. Nelson had died and she calls up on the phone one day and when he answered, she said “Quit telling people I’m dead.” Then years and years later, when my dad was dying, she musta felt guilty or something cause she starts calling him on the phone regularly. Crazy.

  5. One of the things I love the most about my extended family is the way nobody bats an eye when one of us gets up in the middle of dinner to fetch a reference book from the other room to settle a dinner-table argument. I think this is like you and the Butcher and Jennifer Flowers, B — everyone on the same wavelength because of everything that has gone before.

    I also love the ways family members can be generous with each other. One of the things I loved most about my mother is the way that she, the world’s worst cook ™, nevertheless made me a birthday cake every year cut into little squares and triangles and rearranged to make a dog or cat or whatever I had asked for. And the time I asked my youngest nephew, at age 6 or so, if I could have just one of his MacDonald’s fries, and he agreed sooooo reluctantly, and I thanked him very extravagantly because I knew he really had wanted every single one for himself, and then he said “but you can have more if you want.”

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