Well, here we are at the state capitol. Fittingly, we’re practically sitting on the window ledge, which is, I believe, the space they reserve for everyone who believes in the rights of women.
Kleinheider is sitting behind me stewing because he’s not in the press box. Oh, breaking news, he claims he’s not stewing and that we should all be in the press box.
Adam Groves is surprisingly cute. Clearly, he’s not sitting where he can read this. Ha.
Mack is sitting next to me. He knows every liberal media person in the place.
Stacey Campfield is right below me. He’s typing away on his computer, but I can’t believe he has any better luck getting wireless service than I’ve had, so I suspect he’s playing a computer game.
If you had to guess what computer game Representative Campfield is playing, which of the following do you think is most likely?
1. Leisure Suit Larry
2. World of Warcraft
3. The Sims, Conservative Male edition.
A Cub Scout troop has just arrived–Troop 231. They, unfortunately, seem very well-behaved. We’re pledging and praying yet again.
Adam Groves repeated waved to various house members who all seem delighted and a little in awe of him. So far I have learned that he secretly the most powerful person in our section of the gallery.
The 4-Hers seem very disappointed to see that the rules of order have been suspended. They have left. No word if it’s in protest or not.
A couple of women sit behind Stacey Campfield. Rep. Maggart and Lynn, Adam Groves informs me. Folks, we need to start pressuring these two to throw things at him randomly.
Adam Groves knows everything. Having him here is extremely handy. I wonder if we can convert him… maybe not into a liberal, but at least into a trouble-maker.
Kleinheider is grouching about in back of me, yet again. I wonder if I can talk Mack into giving me a quarter for every time Kleinheider shoots me a look like “Damn, fool, woman.”
The dude running the show sounds like a mule auctioneer. We think it’s the clerk of the house. I could listen to him all night.
Mack is bored. I believe he’s turned to Boggle. Kleinheider looks confused. I can’t tell if it’s because of the legislation being discussed (leins on automobiles) or because Mack’s not playing The Sims, conservative Male Edition–the choice of all the cool kids here in the capitol.
Mack is now fighting with Kleinheider, who would rather be be anywhere else. Here’s a sample discussion between the two of them.
Mack: I’m yanking your chain.
Kleinheider: Is he serious?
Me: He’s yanking your chain.
Mack: Hey, Groves, where do they keep the gold plaiting for the giant eagle over there?
Groves: It’s a little known fact that the Speaker keeps a tiny jar of gold leaf and will refresh the gold covering if needed.
Me: I’m an idiot. I’m just blogging about who’s cute.
The Boys: Duh.
Kleinheider just informs me he recently graduated from Harvard and would like us all to refer to him as Dr. Tiny Pasture from here on out. (That’s not true; I’m just making things up to bug him.)
Ooo, ooo the zoo alcohol vote. I bet this one will have some controversy.
No, but Campfield voted against it. Okay, I guess we can rule out him playing Zoo Tycoon.
Mack thinks Campfield is playing Call of Duty.
Campfield wants to know why folks would need social security numbers. Apparently, he needs to know when every woman has any medical procedure, but heaven forbid anyone else get our personal information. I feel torn about this.
Mack wants you to know that amendments are by voice vote.
Now, some folks are teasing some other dude. And now we’re worried that illegal aliens hiding in our court documents. More teasing. And they’re teasing Briley some more. And they passed the bill and the dude, who’s first bill it was, got a round of applause. Check other blogs for actual facts, because I don’t have them.
Kara Watkins, who is very sweet, is wearing these incredibly painful-looking shoes and yet she’s been on her feet since we got here. Also, clearly, they made these seats for people with much shorter legs than me because, seriously, if somebody were to sit in front of me and wiggle around just a little bit, I bet I’d have an orgasm. Face the wrong way and I’m getting pregnant.
I think Briley has a kind of soothing, sexy voice.
I’m surprised by the amount of talking going on. It kind of reminds me of a very noisy study hall.
Kleinheider yet again rolls his eyes at me. I hope he has vision on his insurance policy because he’s probably going to sprain something in his socket(s).
Only Adam Groves knew which amendment gave women the vote.
Mack, I’ve decided would look striking in a red robe. When he is king of Atzlan, I hope he considers a red velvet robe. I wonder if he’ll grant Kleinheider guest worker status or if Adam will be forced to live undocumentedly in Murphreesboro, trying to keep alive the food and folkways of his people.
Tiny Cat Pants 
Finally! I was wondering if the conservative aura sucked you all into the black hole of ennui. Sounds like pretty much nothing was accomplished! Sista and I really should have gone and blogged about the fashion and lack thereof of the Tennessee Legislature.
Perhaps tomorrow will bring something more interesting.
There are tears coming out of my eyes from laughing so hard… this had to be the next best thing to being there.
Mack and Kleinheider could be the political Laurel & Hardy or Abbott & Costello of the new millenium. I’m just not quite sure which one’s which! God, this was funny.
PS I believe Campfield probably plays Leisure Suit Larry to fill what must be a void in his real life.
lol…Lynnster… or Oscar & Felix? Ernie & Bert?
K realizes, doesn’t he, that the press isn’t even in the press box? At least not on the TV/Radio side. That has been turned into the control booth for the camera crew that’s putting the streaming video online. In the event that the legislature discusses something that broadcasters decide to cover, they have to plug in at the box, leave their equipment there, and then sit on the floor back behind the big thing where the speaker et. al. sit. And try to stay out of the way of staffers making copies back there.
As for what he’s playing, if you can’t get a connection, it’s not World of Warcraft. Seriously. Even with a strong, dedicated connection it can crap out on you for no reason. (Though that’s usually hardware as much as anything; the game takes its toll on fans and such) And besides, unless he’s a hardcore RPer, he’s not likely to be typing in any recognizeable pattern; if he was PvPing, the pattern would be repetitive and distinctive, and if he was doing anything else, there would be more mouse/touchpad use than normal typing requires.
*ahem*
Nope… I didn’t write a thesis on this… not one bit.
I’m glad you’re up there, though! It sounds like quite the event.
I’m with you on the whole noisty study hall atmosphere.
When Newscoma and I were up there in the middle of March visiting our Rep. Mark Maddox, it was my first visit to the floor of the House. I was really surprised the proceedings and attitude weren’t more formal.
They all sat around and/or wandered aimlessly up and down the aisles stopping willy-nilly to visit with this and that Rep., chatted, twiddled their thumbs, looked through their mail, played with the tiny flags and flag stand on their desk, played on their laptops, seemingly completely ignored the proceedings going on at the front, etc. … Oh yeah, and occasionally they voted.
Granted most of the stuff up for discussion while I was there was of the yada-yada congratulatory/non-controversial variety
I’m sure they were all doing important bidness and are so much more aware of what’s going on around them so that they could throw out the appropriate vote when necessary than a mere mortal such as I could do.
Ginger, I think Oscar & Felix the Odd Couple is pretty much perfect. Except Mack’s not sloppy but it still fits!
It was charming meeting you! Thanks for your more than kind words … Let me know the next-steps for the trouble-maker thing.