Exador sent me a link to this story about how being equal to men is bad for women’s health. Well, golly.
Clearly, we must immediately do away with feminism!
I have taken some steps.
1. I’ve called all the major credit companies and listed myself as Exador’s wife on his accounts. While he’s working hard, I’m out spending his money on high-heel fuck-me pumps.
2. I’m giving Nathan Moore a quarter for every dollar I earn.
3. I’m walking three steps behind Mack and kissing the ground every seven feet, in thankfulness that the Lord has seen fit to put such a man in my life.
4. I will not look Kleinheider in the eye, but will demurely look down at my feet whenever I have to speak to him.
5. I’m going to be a stay-at-home mom! This will be the most difficult part, seeing as I don’t have kids. I will have to break into Sarcastro’s house, find his kids, and stay at home with them. Hopefully, if I play it right, it will be a few days before Mrs. Sarcastro notices that the kids aren’t going to school.
6. I’m going to support all of Campfield’s legislation. My little brain is too small to question his wisdom.
In fact, I declare today to be “Doing Without Feminism” Day. Ladies, act like you don’t have any more than an eighth-grade education! Some of you, pretend to be dead. Act like you’ve been pregnant twenty times, but the kids you have are the only ones to survive infancy. Encourage your spouse to beat you. No matter who calls you on the phone, put them through to your husband. Quit your job and mooch off your parents or your brother if you’re above 21 and not married. If you do have to work, spend all day coming up with an appropriately female title for your job. You’re not a teacher, you’re a teachress!
And, at the end of the day, come with me to Exador’s house, where we have a little ceremony (I’ll make the doilies!) and declare him King of the Patriarchy!
Come on, women–it’s the healthy thing to do!