The 100 Least Sexy Men

Via Broadsheet, I found the Boston Phoenix‘s list of the 100 least sexy men of 2007.  Being a man-hating lesbian feminist who hates all other women and only has sex with men so that I can abort their fetuses, oh, and a witch, because I hate Jesus, far be it from me to defend the men-folk from the Phoenix, but god damn.

They put James Gandolphini on their list at number 15.

Let’s just leave aside that moment in the Sopranos when Tony buys Carmela the fur coat and then spreads her and the coat out on their bed in such a manner as to make me long for a fur coat.  If the folks at the Phoenix could watch that scene and remain untingled, I doubt their humanity.

No, instead, let’s address their complaint about Gandolphini: “Two words that came up again and again in talking to women about Gandolfini: nose breathing. Yuck.”

Nose breathing?

Sincerely.  Nose breathing?

Come on!  If you’re going to insult the man, at least insult him right.  We all breath through our noses.  You want to accuse him of being a “mouth breather.”

But more than that, what disturbs me about this list is the amount of men who are on it just because they’re fat, even though they claim that being on the list is about being ugly both physically and spiritually.  Look at how they talk about Bill Richardson:

Chubby presidential candidate has repped the USA in negotiations with some of the world’s scariest and weirdest dictators. Which, unfortunately, leaves the triple-chinned hopeful with precious little time for the treadmill. Chances may improve if he stays hungry — or if he accidentally eats the rest of the Democratic field onstage during the first debate.

Or (and god help me I’m about to say something nice about Jimmy Kimmel) Jimmy Kimmel?

We always appreciated Sarah Silverman’s debased, masochistic sense of humor, but secretly suspected it was all just an act — at least until we found out she was dating a certain chubb-o late-night TV host. After an evening of screwing Kimmel, telling Holocaust jokes must seem like a walk in the park.

And yet, the picture they show of Kimmel shows an ordinary-sized man.

Listen, I know the argument for this shit is that we women have to put up with eight hundred thousand iterations of the one hundred sexiest women list all the time.  But, god damn, if we know shit like that sucks, we should not turn around and do it to others.

22 thoughts on “The 100 Least Sexy Men

  1. The article is by-lined to Staff. The masthead lists 18 male writers, and 4 female writers; all the Staff Writers listed are male. So I’m not assuming that this is an example of women giving back to men; I’m assuming that this an example of men having run out of women to attack and turning to men as a fallback target.

  2. Pingback: Nashville is Talking » Equal Opportunity Sexism

  3. Golly, it’s almost like you’re saying that men are also judged by their appearance.
    I thought that was the exclusive privation of women, at least that’s the way it sounds from the feminist corner.

  4. The one I really don’t get is Dr. Robert Rey who is on the list because he is soullessly making other people only beautiful on the outside.

    I also don’t get why James Lipton was #32. Even if he’s not handsome, at best he’s just an honorable mention.

    Then there’s the entirety of Eric Estrada’s explanation: “Was Ponch. Now Paunch.” Assholes.

    But I did laugh at Ann Coulter. Do I need to feel guilty about that?

  5. I know of a couple of bars in Atlanta. I’ll take you to them next time you’re in town, but they won’t like me inside, so you’re on your own.

  6. As 4th runner up to the honorable mention list of Nashville’s sexiest 1000 men, I can tell you that those men’s lives (beautifully placed apostrophe, no?) have been ruined. Ruined, I tell ya. I’m still not over my own heart breaking loss. To Daron Hall, of all people! Must be the uniform….

    Ok, Ann Coulter was funny. No guilt here.

  7. Exador, it certainly does seem as if men are judged by their appearance – by other men in Boston.

  8. Ugh. I’m really tired of people getting slammed for being bigger than the ideal. REALLY tired of it.

    Haven’t looked at the list, but from your comments I glean that She-Who-Must-Not-Be-Named is on the list. Heh. Love that.

  9. I’m not a fan of his, per se, but I think Larry the Cable Guy is kinda hot, in a redneck-blue-collar-lumberjack-y class clown sort of way. But then I’m a sucker for people who can make me laugh, and what little I’ve seen of his routine makes me laugh.

    And speaking of laughing, I admit to being amused by the description of Bill Gates, Gazillionaire: “Imagine how much of a nerd you have to be to negate the inherent sexiness of some $37 billion?”

    The Geico Caveman is only #82. That’s really saying something.

  10. It is wrong for me to admit that I’m attracted to the GEICO caveman.

    That’s the type of man I’m drawn to. And I’m not ashamed, either. I don’t think I am, anyway.

  11. That’s three for the caveman. I like a man who can build a fire and invent the wheel! Men with tools who can use their brains AND their muscles!

    Considering that Neanderthal (our stereotypical caveman) outlasted Homo Sap by a good few thousand years, I’m thinking Homo Sap isn’t in a position yet to feel superior to him …

  12. Ok, but Aunt B? My sweet? If this same publication HYPOTHETICALLY reported that a certain actor somewhere “nailed” a certain role in a certain show, you would believe them, right? RIGHT?! I mean they don’t always report crap. Sometimes there’s fact. Or at least laudable opinion…

  13. Well, clearly, Plimco, they are brilliant when it comes to their insightful comments about the theater and I would, if I lived in a community served by their paper, always take them at their word about that. I would not, however, trust them to find me a good man to date.

  14. Plus, speaking as a woman with sinus challenges and allergies, who suffers in the sprigtibe, I’d love to be a nose-breather, myself.

  15. …sprigtibe…

    lol…La BellaDonna, that is the funniest thing I’ve read all day…

    Sarcastro referring to John Dwyer as channeling Ted Baxter is now in 2nd place. :)

    (I hope most of you people are old enough to understand that reference!)

Comments are closed.