I Suck as a Witch

The one spell I cast and most wanted to stick–that our crazy landlady from years ago would find her terrible energy reflected back at her and that she would never bother us again–was a bust.

I guess the fact that it took half a decade for me to discover that it failed is saying something, but still…

You’ll never guess who the Butcher ran into at softball last night.

5 thoughts on “I Suck as a Witch

  1. Awww. Perhaps you’re just not a very specific witch. Did you put a time limit on when her energy would come back to haunt her? It could be the spell is just hung up on the first part of the directive (send her terrible energy back) and hasn’t gotten to the first bit (keeping her away). But I’m no witch, and perhaps it doesn’t work that way.

    I do sympathize, though. The lurking crazy landlady seems to be somewhat of a theme.

  2. W., not a spell, but another useful superstition. Go get you a statue of St. Joseph, as St. Joseph for help moving the property quickly, and bury it, head down, facing east in the yard of the house you’re trying to sell. Then, leave out in the house a small bowl of cedar, cinnamon, and cloves.

    Here’s the important thing, though. If the house does sell quickly, you must dig up St. Joe, clean him up, and move him with you to your new house, where you put him in a place where he can keep an eye on the house.

    Or so they say.

  3. I believe in using magic words and avoiding others — in the listing, that is. Avoid saying that you’re motivated (studies find that houses so listed stay on the market 15% longer and sell for 8% than other similar houses). Avoid damning it with faint praise — if the best thing you can say about it is that it’s got new paint, just don’t go there. Stress desirability due to location — 15 minutes to downtown! good schools!, recent substantial investments, and so forth.

  4. That’s 8% LESS…not more. Describing something as a “handyman’s special” acknowledges there’s something wrong with the property and lessens the seller’s bargaining power, though it may speed a sale.

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