Out of Sorts

One thing I like about the Shill is her ability to distill any pop culture phenomenon down to either its essense or the important lesson we should draw from it.

When we were in college, she would regularly remind me of the bit of wisdom contained in Bull Durham, which I’m going to get wrong, but I’ll try, which goes something like “The world is made for people who aren’t cursed with self-awareness.”

I would be slightly embarrassed for y’all to know how often I reflect on that line and contemplate its truth in order to calm myself down during bad times. No, I don’t fit in here and it does seem like folks ought to be able to see how crazy things are and fix them, but the world was not made for folks like me.

I used to worry that this made me a snob, but, upon rewatching Bull Durham one evening, I came to realize that everyone in that movie is kind of a dork and so it’s really just a matter of knowing what kind of dork you are and figuring out how to get by in the world based on that.

I should be writing.

I’m also a coward.

I think you knew both of those things AND I have to say that neither of those things makes me unique and that pisses me off.

I’m tired, bone tired, of my own nonsense.

I wonder if I could call in, say I’m taking the day off to take a nap and write a book.

I don’t know anything about writing books.

Of course, I didn’t know anything about writing plays, either.

So, there you go.

My soul itches like something’s trying to break through, but I’m late for work, so there you go, as well.

11 thoughts on “Out of Sorts

  1. Maybe your ethnic hair is scratching your soul.

    I think you need to figure out what book you would be writing if you were staying home. It probably will turn out to be not a book but the next step in your life. But think of it in terms of what you want to write about.

  2. Holy shit, NM, those are wise guru words. Those are the kinds of words I would walk uphill barefoot in order to have a vision about.


  3. “The world is made for people who aren’t cursed with self-awareness.”

    Perhaps that is why people like you & I…and others here who I feel a close bond with…have connected so intensely (at least that’s how I feel about y’all). We are self-aware, and at the very least try to improve things within ourselves and this world.

    There isn’t a day that goes by that I do not feel like a stranger in a strange land.

    Then again, the world sure would be much worse off if it wasn’t for the self-aware, wouldn’t it? It takes all kinds.

  4. You just have to move forward despite being scared.

    I would argue, (though not too much with wild woman Rachel) that the above may well be the definition of brave.

  5. Another Newscoma Mother’s Wisdom moment (My mother, not Newscoma):
    Jump through those open windows, Trace. Sometimes you’re going to land on your feet on a cruise line with Antonio Banderas waiting for you naked.
    This would please me to no end, actually.

    Yeah, we all might crash and burn too. But standing just looking out of the open windows, hell, that’s scary for me.
    I’m rambling here (my paper needs to get done. I don’t care) but no one is completely without fear. Fear is a part of it. It’s a matter, for me at least, not to be paralysed.
    Sending you much love and dreaming fondly of running my fingers through your ethnic hair while you rub my butt (gotta taste for that Saturday.) :)

  6. 1. Mr. Mack is right in his support of Rachel’s keen advice.
    2. You know plenty about writing books. Really, you do.
    3. You don’t need to know all that much to write anyhow. Really, the trouble comes when trying to convince someone to sell it and find others to buy it. That you know plenty about. Okay, so it’s supposedly easier to sell well-written books than poorly written ones, hence your worries about not knowing how to write. But, really, quality is open for discussion. Write for yourself. We’ll find you an audience.

  7. I’ve started and laid aside more books than I can count.

    But each time I write I feel a little better and a little closer to whole.

    And you know plenty about writing. I echo what the prof said. Write for you. Write what you want to see on paper. Life takes care of the rest.

  8. Do not write the book. Let the book write itself. It knows what it wants to say. Unlock the door.

  9. If you are having headaches, they will go away when the book — and the other people, the characters — break out.

Comments are closed.