Why It’s Important to Check Your Gauge

I started on Rachel’s prototype penis.  I didn’t bother to check to see if I had the right sized hook.  I just used a vaguely small one.  And, no, I didn’t check the gauge.  I just started crocheting.

America, just the tip of this penis is so large it could double as a place to keep your hard boiled egg.

And I royally fucked up the circumcision scar, so though the penis is large, it’s UGLY.  Maybe the stuffing will help smooth things over in a pleasant manner, but damn. 

I crack me up.

I have half a mind to just carry it around with me for the next week, just to see if anyone says anything.

25 thoughts on “Why It’s Important to Check Your Gauge

  1. I’ve just this weekend started reading your blog, so I’ve no context to put this post in, but it DOES make me laugh!

  2. I just hope you are using a model of an “appropriate” and desirable size in order to properly gauge the measurements of the prototype penis. heh-heh-heh ;)

  3. You have completely made my day with the mental image of a badly-crocheted penis.

    You’ve also just made me wish I knew how to crochet. :) That sounds like the best gag gift ever.

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  5. Hmmm. You know, if you make it more sock-type than solid-coyote-type, it could make a really good cell phone cover.

  6. Ha, y’all. I’ll have to take a picture of it for you so that you can see that it’s much too large for a cell phone cover. It’s hilarious. Rachel’s going to have the biggest penis on the block, that’s for sure.

    And I’m making it with camouflage yarn! How hilarious is that?

  7. Ooh, you could use it as a gavel, or a bopper stick! Or as a pointer for giving lectures. Or, seeing as how it’s too big for a cell phone, as a water bottle cozy!

  8. I hate those meetings. They remind me of kindergarten. I generally think adults should be able to have discussions without gimmicks.

    ::Off to make a Twitter entry…::

  9. Kat, I don’t believe you were holding the penis. Mwah ha ha ha!

    (As an aside, I seriously attended a meeting wherein anyone who was perceived by the group as being negative had to hold onto a stuffed snake until someone else was “negative.”)

  10. I’d be keeping the snake the whole time, if only because I’d keep nattering on about how stupid the snake idea was.

    About 4 years ago some dork in my company read about the Fulton Fish Market fish-throwing meeting idea. We kept having “brainstorming” meetings where you’d throw a stuffed fish at someone and they’d have to say a good marketing idea. God, I sometimes hate marketing departments.

    We could have a Penis Fish meeting in honour of Grey’s Anatomy.

  11. I had the snake for a while, because, during a discussion of things we needed to improve upon, I mentioned that we were always late (for phone calls, meetings, work…). Indicating that it’s not so much negative to say we’re always late as it was that we were, in fact, always late. Hmph. ;)

  12. ???

    This is what I do NOT get about toy-oriented meetings. Where’s the logic in that? If you are having a discussion about things which need improvement, you are discussing negatives, right? I mean, if they weren’t negative they would not NEED improving.

    When I am in charge of everything I’m going to ban Management Training Seminars and the kitschy techniques which spring from their bowels.

    NM, I’m just trying to not stray too far afield of the Penis which started this thread. A thread penis about which we have a penis thread.

    How cool is that?

  13. Kat, just ban meetings altogether. More will get done. And make sure I have a cushy job with enormous pay.

    Rachel, why don’t you ask B to sew the penis to my coyote? You may visit him whenever you like.

  14. KC, you’re saying that this has turned into a meta-penis about a mega-penis? Mack, are you saying that your coyote needs help?

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