My Mom

Y’all, I cannot tell you how yesterday just knocked me to my knees.  I was already having kind of a wobbly couple of days there and my dad on the phone being all like “I’m in the car, following an ambulance on the way to Carle.  Your mom’s in that ambulance” really about did me in.

I don’t know.  I started out wanting to talk about it.  But I’ve just spent the last fifteen minutes staring off into space, trying to decide whether to just delete this.

I thought I would feel more relief today, more grateful that she’s fine, but frankly, it scared the shit out of me and that feeling of being scared is what lingers.

10 thoughts on “My Mom

  1. I don’t know what to say. I do know that when I get that call about parents being taken to the hospital it’s the same feeling as being in an auto accident, right when you hear that crunch of metal on metal but before you realise that everyone in both cars are okay. The adrenaline haunts me for days, and that feeling of death being right around the corner and closer to the touch than we ever want to admit makes me sick.

    I haven’t lost either parent yet, and when I read other people recounting their losses of parents I want to turn off my eyes. I can’t think about it. I can’t think about being alone and I can’t think about being next in line for the grave.

    If it helps any, you can tie this feeling back into the post from before and realise that people do love you besides your parents. And they love you in a way similar to the way parents are supposed to love their kids–they love you for all of you.

  2. I can send you nothing but love. I’ve been through this and it’s so terrifying.
    And we do, you know.
    Love you for all of you.
    Oh Dammit, I wish I could come and give you a hug and just tell you that things are going to be alright at least for the next five minutes.
    That’s the best I can do but I mean it.

  3. Very big hugs for you. I know what it feels like to have a sick parent. It’s one of the hardest things you will ever have to deal with.

  4. Big hugs. I am glad to hear she is ok. I’ve had this scare a few too many times with my 76 year old day. It is terrifying, and I often find myself, sitting. Staring. Thinking (even though I know I should not) of the day when teh Doctors tell me *No, it is not going to be ok.* – Hang in there! Lots of positive energy coming your way form Chi Town! xoxox

  5. I know that feeling, and, it stays with you for a while. It makes you scared to death each time the phone rings even though you know it’s just a regular ol’ phone call.

    No magic advice, just get some sleep, and, give it some time.

  6. Probably the worst day of my life was when I was getting ready for work and the phone rang, and I immediately recognized the number of the hospital in my hometown. When I answered and heard my mom’s best friend’s voice, I about had a heart attack right then and there.

    My mother has started taking it easier and taking off when she needs to in more recent years, but for the majority of my life, she was one of those people who NEVER took a day off work sick, and I had to be about on my deathbed to stay home from school (which was much cooler in high school because she left for work before Dad and I got up, and Dad was an easy mark that way – there was always the inevitable lecture in the evening but it was too late by then, heh).

    So for her to have gone to the HOSPITAL for something – ugh. I was completely freaked.

    It’s still scary to this day, really, but the initial fear will pass. My mom’s pretty healthy and not that old but does have a heart condition (hence the hospitalization), but I’ve come to terms with the fact I can’t obsess over what might happen and honestly, she’ll probably outlive me anyway.

    But this initial stuff will pass. Like B-Mo said, give it some time. And try to take care of you in the process. Thinking of you and mucho virtual hugs.

  7. My dad had to go to the hospital once. he hurt his back. It scared me to death. The 911 operator was so calm. So calm that I wanted to scream “Don’t you give a crap?!” But, he got better. Glad your mom is okay.

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