How To Tell if it’s Okay for You to Talk Smack about My Brothers to Me

1.  Are you related to us?

2.  Have you ever lived more than an hour away from your parents?

3.  Do you have a job procured by one or more of your parents?

4.  Are you living in a house your parents helped you buy?

5.  Do you have to take a shower in the dark because, for some reason, the Butcher doesn’t throw out dead lightbulbs, but instead puts them in with the live ones?

If you answered yes to one and no to two through four, you may talk smack about them, a little.  If you answered question 5 in the affirmative, you may talk all the smack you want.  Pull up a chair.  Shoot, sit on the toilet and talk smack while I’m in the shower.  I could use the company, since it’s so dark in there.

But, if you are living in the same town as your parents in a job they helped you get in a house they helped you buy, don’t call me up talking about what a shame it is that the Butcher doesn’t have any more ambition than he does.

Or we will fight, believe me.

9 thoughts on “How To Tell if it’s Okay for You to Talk Smack about My Brothers to Me

  1. *snorts* That seems a fairly universal familial standard. I feel mostly the same about my sisters, though my #1 is more along the lines of “Do you generally like and appreciate the sibling in question?” because our family is pretty small, and we have a lot of non-blood-relations that I think are included.

  2. Y’all, I would rather folks who weren’t related to me talk smack about my brothers than to hear it from my family. Let me tell you.

  3. Wait. I’m confused. The Butcher is your brother? Guilty of skimming in the past I suppose, but I thought he was your man.

    Or did I just read this post wrong?

    Anyway, I’m the “low ambition” one around these parts. So it’s nice to see someone sticking up for people who remind me of me. ;)

  4. Ha, I wish I was so damn fine I could just troll around Nashville picking up hot 26 year olds! No, the Butcher is my youngest brother.

  5. You know, if you were trolling around Louisville, you’d be hot enough to pick up one hot 28 year old. And I answered no, yes, no, no, no.

    Which makes me so damn hot, I’m en fuego.

  6. Oh, gosh, Lee. It’s been a long time since someone on the internet caused me to blush and giggle like a school girl, but you have done it.

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