The Email I Sent to the Owners of Tinycatpants.com

As you’ll recall, dear readers, tinycatpants.com was bought out from under me by somebody who links to folks who are selling stuff.  I am unhappy.  Coble reminded me that Smiley owns “thedryspot.net” and not .com and, aside from some gastrointestinal issues, he seems to have suffered no ill effects from being a .net instead of a .com, and so I have purchased tinycatpants.net.  I’d like to retrieve tinycatpants.com at some point, but it won’t be the end of the world if I don’t.

Dear Sirs:

Over the years I’ve run a blog at tinycatpants.blogspot.com, tinycatpants.squarespace.com, and tinycatpants.wordpress.com.  I sell products with the phrase “tiny cat pants” on them.  I find it a little suspicious that, just as tinycatpants.com became available, you swooped in and bought it.  What possible use do you have for the phrase “tiny cat pants” except to poach off my traffic and create confusion among readers looking for my blog?

Perhaps you’re unaware of laws that protect me from unfair competition.  But by buying tinycatpants.com and using it as a means by which to sell products, I believe you’re a.) intentionally profiting from confusion caused by people who are looking for my blog “Tiny Cat Pants” and end up at tinycatpants.com and b.) intentionally profiting from people who see tinycatpants.com, assume I have something to do with it, and assume, obviously incorrectly, that I endorse the products you’re trying to sell.  I believe this violates both my right to publicity, since Tiny Cat Pants is so closely associated with me, and is a misappropriation of my property, as you’re clearly hoping to benefit from confusion between the blog Tiny Cat Pants and your site.

I’d like to settle this, either by seeing the content of tinycatpants.com changed to something that doesn’t benefit from being confused with Tiny Cat Pants, the blog, or by having the domain turned over to me, since, clearly, if anyone should benefit from Tiny Cat Pants, it should be me.

Sincerely,

Walking Around with My Papers

So, yes, yesterday I was busy driving all over tarnation getting my car taken care of.  Mack had done a shitload of preliminary work physically and my dad had done a lot to mentally prepare me for the reality that, if I wanted good deals and good service, I should just settle into the notion that having a penis behind me would give me some status that just having my own body parts on my own self would not.

When I got to Mack’s house, I had him write everything down for me–where I was going, what I was getting, about how much it should cost me.  And I carried that piece of paper with me all morning, like a talisman.

And, frankly, that’s how it worked, too.  When I got to the dealership, to get my new wheel, the old guy who put it in my car was talking with a mixture of awe and appreciation about what a great deal my “husband” had gotten for me on the wheel, as if I should take great pride in my “husband’s” bargaining skills.  It was important to him that I got that, how lucky I was to have a “husband” who could do that kind of stuff for me.

And then over to get my new tires.  I pulled in, told them what to do, and they kind of nodded and went back to working on the truck they were working on.  When I finally found the owner, I pulled out my piece of paper, with Mack’s handwriting all over it, and all of a sudden, the way was clear and “Her ‘husband’ said to pull all those tires off and balance them” and it magically happened.  “You be sure to get them on there tight; you know her ‘husband’ will check.”

I still have to get everything aligned.  I’m doing that on Tuesday, but at the end of the day, I’m going to save about $150 over what my guy was going to charge me.  All because I had a guy willing to do some stuff for me and some guys willing to respect his authority.

I tell you, I’m about ready to have Mack write me up all kinds of papers for various occassions, just so I can use them to get me respect and sweet deals.

I was telling the Professor today at lunch that I can’t decide how I feel about that, as a feminist.  On the one hand, if having a friend help me means I save $150, shoot, I want to save $150.  I’m not made out of money.  But on the other hand, I want to get good deals and be trusted and respected and stuff all on my own.  And I feel like, by taking advantage of Mack’s male privilege, I’m just reinforcing the idea that Mack ought to have a little privilege, just because he’s got a dick.

You see what I’m saying?  I’m not always sure when one lives in the world as it is and works the system from the inside (Ha, ha, I’m not married to Mack, but I totally got the deal you’d have given to his wife!) and when you say fuck your system.

When we were out at the Strawberry Festival, Mack ended up talking to some guy who was telling us how they used to have a big sign in the town Mack lives in that said “Go Home, Niggers” or “Niggers not Welcome” or something like that and how this guy and his friends, back in their younger days would drive up to that town just to fight with the white people.

It’s not like that in Mack’s town anymore.  It’s not some utopia of race relations, but I see all colors of kids when I drive by the school on the way to Mack’s house.

And I wonder, did that happen becuse of or in spite of the fact that there used to be that sign there and black kids used to drive up there to beat up white kids who were waiting to beat them up?

I don’t know, you know.

But I wonder.

Internet, Wondering What to Get Me for My Birthday?

Y’all, I am perturbed.  Here’s the story.  A guy I know bought tinycatpants.com a year ago.  He thought he could just transfer it to me, but somehow we fucked it up.  Or I fucked it up.

Anyway, it doesn’t matter.  I had this idea that I’d just wait for his claim on it to run out, which it did, on March 1st, wait for it to come open again, and buy it.

Well, it seemed to take a while to come open, so I had godaddy.com try to nab it for me when it did, figuring who the hell could want tinycatpants.com except for me, right?

Yeah, right.

Look at tinycatpants.com.  What the fuck is that?

Yes, because when the few people in the world who think about tiny cat pants, actually think about tiny cat pants, they think about a naked woman with rocks down her back.

Who are these jackasses and how can I get tinycatpants.com away from them?

Advice, internet, that’s what I want for my birthday, advice on how to get and secure tinycatpants.com for myself.