The Recalcitrant Brother Saves Me From Making a Fool of Myself

Too bad for Springfield, Illinois.  I was just getting ready to get on here and apologize to you for regularly making fun of the fact that you were terrorized by a pack of feral pigs in the 1800s.

Seriously, my thinking has been, you didn’t have fifty guys with guns in your town who could shoot at the pigs all at once?  You might not kill them all, but you’d kill a lot and scare the other ones off to, hell, I don’t know Taylorville.  You don’t every hear about Taylorville’s feral pig problem, do you?

But then I saw this story and this photo and was like, damn, well, if you’re talking fifty to a hundred feral pigs some of which are <i>this</i> size?

Who could blame you for letting those fuckers roam free unchallenged through the streets of your town?

But then I called the recalcitrant brother, who has been working over in that part of Alabama recently, who informed me that no one in West Georgia/East Alabama is taking this seriously as a story and certainly no one thinks this is some serious competition to Hogzilla.

Why?

Well, gather ’round folks, and listen to what the recalcitrant brother told me.

1.  These folks didn’t find that pig out in the wild.  Unlike Hogzilla, this pig was raised on a private game preserve.  The same game preserve the kid’s dad paid to get him the right to shoot at said giant pig.  In other words, they knew the pig was there and it didn’t have any place to go.  That’s where it was raised and fed and taken care of and there are high fences all around the place so the pig couldn’t leave if it wanted to.

2.  The kid shot the pig with a revolver only in the literal sense of the word.  Yes, it was a revolver.  No, it wasn’t a revolver like most of us non-gun nuts think of a revolver.  Again, he didn’t wander into the woods armed only with his trusty revolver and happen upon a wild hog.  He knew what he was going to shoot, approximately where it would be, what boundaries it could not leave, and what equipment to bring to kill it.  Hell, he even had trackers armed with high powered rifles if anything went wrong.  In other words, this was a controlled hunt in every sense of the word.

Shoot, I’ll say it.  This wasn’t a “hunt” this was a “go find.”  How is this not cheating in every sense of the word?

Explain this to me, hunters.

5 thoughts on “The Recalcitrant Brother Saves Me From Making a Fool of Myself

  1. Pingback: Nashville is Talking » Long Pig

  2. The money quote from that article:

    “It feels really good,” Jamison said in a telephone interview with The Associated Press. “It’s a good accomplishment. I probably won’t ever kill anything else that big.”

    The “probably” slays me.

  3. I’m not a fan of killing things for entertainment, and the whole thing was topped off with the fact that trees had to be cut down and a backhoe brought in to bring the bloody thing out of the woods! That boy had better eat that whole damn pig is all I can say.

  4. He said he shot the huge animal eight times with a .50-caliber revolver and chased it for three hours through hilly woods before finishing it off with a point-blank shot.

    How humane.

    I’m so trembling with rage over this, I can’t even think straight. Knowing that this kid has earned himself a few eons burning in the hell realms, I should find compassion for him, but it isn’t easy. It’s hard not to hope someone gets a chance to shoot him 8 times and chase him around the woods bleeding for three hours as he struggles in a desperate and futile attempt to save his own life.

    It angers me that this is even legal. But to celebrate it? What a diseased culture this is.

    at Christian Heritage Academy, a small, private school.

    (rolls eyes…)

    …he and the guides had high-powered rifles aimed and ready to fire in case the beast, with 5-inch tusks, decided to charge.

    “…in case the beast, with 5-inch tusks, decided to defend himself against an unprovoked attack by a bloodthirsty little brat”

    There, fixed that for ’em.

  5. Pingback: mushin no shin » Blog Archive » Quiet Riot

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