Someone, and I’m not naming names, but his name rhymes with Big Mac… Ha, wait, no, his name does not rhyme with Big Mac. His name is a homonym with Big Mac. His name rhymes with Shaq. Whew, revoke my poet’s licence.
Anyway, that someone is all the time lecturing me about the importance of not just the message, but how the message is presented.
I guess this means I’m supposed to make brownies for all the wrong-headed people in this country and then, as I hand them a glass of cool milk to wash the chocolatey goodness down, I could thrust my breasts in their faces and coyly whisper in their ears my plea for them to take my positions seriously.
It just seems like that would take a lot of time and I do work.
But, folks, imagine Stacey Campfield in a tux, cut nicely across his shoulders, fabric buttons that lay flat across his stomach and sleeves cut at just the right length to give you a hint of stark, white cuff. His shoes impeccably polished and his grin refined to a Clooney-esque irresistibly.
You’re talking about, say, his lame idea to require death certificates for aborted fetuses and rather than open his mouth and say, “I care about women. I really care about unborn women.” or something just as equally obnoxious, he were to say, “Do you know how difficult it is to get funding for pre-natal healthcare in this state? Do you know how hard it is for parents to get resources from the state once their babies have been born? Women, and what a divine woman you are, Aunt B., so charming, so delightful, so intriguing, so brilliant… Where was I? Yes, women in Tennessee don’t have the resources they need. Everyone knows this but no one does anything about it. I was hoping that this drastic measure would lead to a discussion about how to help women and I had not thought through the fact that I was advocating creating a public record of who’d had abortions, thus violating Doctor/Patient privilege.”
You’d literally have to walk away from him, go to the bathroom, call up the Professor and say, “I’m trying to hate him, but he seems so reasonable.” and have her remind you of all the boneheaded crap he’s pulled.
But no, instead, he is who he is and I continue to be who I am and I find that every time he opens his mouth, I begin praying for someone to interrupt. Who can possibly take anything he says seriously?
Yes, folks, I have just “and yet…”ed about Stacey Campfield.
I do believe that the State needs to cut the sales tax on food and not just by some lame ass half of a percent. Food taxes are inherently unfair because they take up such a large portion of poor people’s budgets and relatively little of rich people’s. And, though it didn’t work, I support Republicans’ (yes, even Campfield’s) efforts to substantially lower it. Why Democrats are against this is unclear and almost embarrassing to me.
I think that having streaming video in the capitol is not just hilarious, but also a vital component to keeping our state government accountable for the decisions it makes and how it makes them. I would be pissed if they do away with it. And I would support Campfield’s efforts to resist those efforts. Shoot, let’s put a camera on Campfield and let him stream the video to his website.
And toll roads in Tennessee? Please. Stupid and I hope everyone will map alternative routes around them. If rumors are true, those toll roads will be privately maintained. If so, then damn straight the government shouldn’t be able to use eminent domain to take land for those projects. Let private developers buy the land just like they would have to for any other private development. Sadly, that failed.
What’s my point? My point is that Campfield has some ideas that are good for the State of Tennessee and if he weren’t such a, in my opinion, showboating jackass, he’d find more bipartisan support for his good ideas.
It’s a shame he doesn’t. Because, yes, when he’s wrong, he’s really really wrong, but when he’s right, on those rare occasions, he’s on the mark.