Dear Mr. Tiny Pasture*:
I could spend my afternoon fretting about the Butcher, who is spending his afternoon sitting in a doctor’s office. I could spend my afternoon coming up with reasons why men with big brown eyes should beg me to let them plant gentle kisses on my cooter**. Hell, I could finish up lunch and get back to work.
But instead, I’ve got to ponder your latest immigration nonsense.
On Friday you were all “Oh, boo-hoo amnesty is not fair.” Today you’re all “Oh, boo-hoo amnesty is not fair.” Again. Christ Jesus. Most folks wait to see if a song is going to hit the top of the charts before they turn around and put out the remix.
And here’s me, putting out the answer song. That’s how nerdy I am. When was the last time anyone put out an answer song? 1964? And, really, with the exception of Kitty Wells’s “It wasn’t God who made Honky Tonk Angels,” has there ever been a good answer song?
Not that I can think of. Which means, Sir, that you’re forcing me into a genre that is, by definition, failed. Thanks. Thanks a lot.
Anyway, I have some questions for you.
You say, “Well, I could point out the fact that you cannot simply issue conditional pardons for mass amounts of people who break the law. What does it say about the seriousness in which we hold our laws?” And yet, are you not the same man who said, when talking about issuing conditional pardons for mass amounts of people who break the law, “Now, personally, while I believe civil disobedience is preferable violent insurrection I wouldn’t have a problem with excusing an aggravated assault as long as no one was permanently injured. But that’s just me.”
Go on, ponder that. It’s such a good point that I, myself, need to take a minute and spend some time delighting in my own brilliance.
Whew, okay, I’m done.
Next, you say, “The reason we cannot grant amnesty, apart from all the issues surrounding the preservation of the rule of law, is that we simply have more immigrants coming into this country than we can properly absorb either economically or culturally.” To which I must say, “Says who?” Really, by what standard are you judging whether folks can be “properly” absorbed?
Today, you’re all, “Why should we need an amendment to make sure that illegals return to their home country in order to apply for legal residency? Is that not a given?” You realize, of course, that there are people who have been in this country illegally since they were small children. This is their home country. You must also realize that there are people who are here in this country illegally because their home countries are dangerous shit-holes, often made that way by our fucked-up foreign policy. Shall we inflict probable death sentences on them?
Also, Mr. “Conservative.” Who will pay to remove these folks to their “homelands?” Who’s paying for the plane tickets for 15 million people? You’re going to go to the American tax payers and ask for international airfare for fifteen million people? Woo-hoo! I CANNOT wait to see how that goes over.
You tickle me, Tiny Pasture.
P.S. I’m thinking about writing an open letter to the Blue Collar Muse. Do you think it’s too soon to subject him to such hazing? And yet, today, when talking about how to solve the problems of Black America (whatever that means), he actually says, and I quote, when talking about the promises he thinks Obama is making to his potential voters, “Evidently, a return to economic prosperity and the 1950’s heyday of ‘a chicken in every pot and two cars in every garage’ is just around the corner in January of 2009 when George “Just call me Sauron, all my enemies do!” Bush is no longer President. [emphasis mine]”
Let me just reiterate, Carter, your fellow Rightie, a man you quote today, is offering up political analysis in which he posits that Barak Obama is promising Black America a return to “the 1950’s [sic] heyday of ‘a chicken in every pot and two cars in every garage'” if only they vote for him.
One more time for the slow: Blue Collar Muse thinks that Barak Obama is promising Black America a return to the 1950s if they vote for him.
Because Barak Obama wants to commit political suicide?! What the fuck?!
How can I not open-letter than nonsense?
And yet, I don’t because I just met the dude and we talked about “The Blues Brothers.” We bonded over the Joliet prison. But this nonsense?
Ah, well, I refrain. But I will snicker about this notion of folks in the 50s all having two cars in their garages.
*I assume you prefer your non-immigrant name?
**”Reason #4: It’ll make Kleinheider uncomfortable to imagine it.”