Random Things–I Have Pissed Off the Bridal-Industrial Complex

1.  My girly parts name is “Breakfast of Champions.”  I defy any of you to come up with one more awesome.

1a.  On a side note, doesn’t “Rachel Walden, MLIS” sound like it should be the name of a TV show?

2.  Could there be any more clear cut a case of the pot calling the kettle black?  Shoot, I’d spring for beers with Liz Garrigan if there were a corncob up her butt removal procedure at some point in the evening.

3.  Bridgett brings us news of a new Viking horde discovery.  When, America, am I going to win the lottery so that I can go see these places in person?

4.  The Bridal-Industrial Complex has taken umbridge at my musings on marriage.  Seriously, over the course of my life, I’ve probably spent over $2,000, if not more, being in weddings, traveling to weddings, buying dresses for weddings, etc.  It’s never enough for the BIC.  No, not until you’ve shelled out $75,000 for a wedding complete with koi pond in the shape of your mom and dad is it satisfied. 

Well, ha ha, BIC!  I’m stroking one ample breast as a hot woman wearing nothing but a wicked smile enjoys the “Breakfast of Champions” while the illegal immigrant I’m exploiting as my meal ticket/other lover strolls around the living room in nothing but his boxer drawers, sweat glistening off his manly shoulders, as he gets ready for work.

You’re going to tell me you spent your morning doing something more fulfilling than basking in the glow of being the center of attention all night long as two fine folks competed to see who could bring you more pleasure?

I thought not.

Ha, I kid.  I actually spent my morning eating breakfast and walking the dog.

My point is this: clearly people who oppose gay marriage feel that, if gays were allowed to marry, it would somehow impact their own marriage.  From my perspective, try as I might, I cannot understand how allowing gays to marry in any way has any affect on straight marriage, as I understand straight marriages to work best (love, trust, mutual admiration, etc.).

Therefore, folks who oppose gay marriage must have some different notion of how straight marriage works, if, indeed, gay marriage can threaten it.

I proposed, then, that those folks might not marry primarily for love, trust, etc., but because that was what was expected of them.  If you’re marrying first and foremost because that’s what’s expected of you, being faced with people who are so committed to love, trust, etc. that they’re willing to redefind marriage to be first and foremost about that, would indeed threated your ideas about marriage.  It may even feel like a direct threat to your marriage.

That seems like an easy enough point.

But I could be wrong.

18 thoughts on “Random Things–I Have Pissed Off the Bridal-Industrial Complex

  1. 1) Hey, mine is BAP (Bad Ass Pussy). Could anything be more perfect?

    2) Oh, the humanity.

    3) I hate to be a pedant (stop laughing, dammit!), but that’s a hoard. Which is also exciting, of course, but from what you wrote I was expecting at least a small band of marauders. Which would have led to wailing and gnashing of teeth on the part of some recreationists and SCA types, which would cause them to throw large, wild parties to talk it all over, to which I might have been invited. So I feel a little let down, is all.

    4) All sane people piss off the BIC at some time or other. My whole wedding cost less than half of what one friend of mine paid for her dress alone. Both our marriages seem to be in good shape, so I’m going with the concept that there’s no correlation between sanity with regard to weddings and sanity with regard to marriage.

  2. Rachel, is there any other kind of television show? I’m pretty sure everything is either cartoons, reality tv, or mystery solving.

    Oops, nm, sorry. Couldn’t we still cause the recreationists and SCA types to throw large wild parties? I’d hate to miss that.

  3. SCA types do throw wild parties. I’m convinced that a love of wild parties is a requirement for joining. But even they need an excuse, you know? I’m not sure about the recreationists. The truth is that all the recreationists I know do either the Civil War or the Battle of Hastings, so I guess the Vikings wouldn’t get them going so well. And all my SCA friends are back in New York. So nevermind. It doesn’t matter. Forget the wild parties. I’m just going to pout for a while now, and feel sorry for myself. Sniff.

  4. If I put in my legal name, I get “Furby” ha, ha
    If I put in the name my family (and B) calls me, then I am “twat waffle.”
    Can’t decide which I like more.

    I loved the BIC piece – kinda performing just what your piece was about, resistance to understanding just what kind of sacrafice love involves and not wanting to hear that others might possibly be enjoying themselves without the same pain. That blogger didn’t seem to give any generosity in trying to figure out what you might have intended. But then who’s surprised at hearing that a bride wasn’t being generous to others?

  5. > try as I might, I cannot understand how allowing gays to marry in any way has any affect on straight marriage

    Until now, husbands have been able to tell their wives, “a man in assless chaps being disciplined with a riding crop has no place in the marriage bed.” Some things should change *slowly*.

    RE: BIC My wife and I got married at a small historical site, by a JotP. No one was there who shouldn’t have been (13 people), and only a few were missing. My mother and sister played piano and flute. No one rented or bought a garment for the event. It was perfect.

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  7. I cannot understand how allowing gays to marry in any way has any affect on straight marriage…

    Aunt B., the best short answer to this question I’ve ever seen comes from Amanda Marcotte:

    …opponents of gay marriage do have a reason to fear that legal gay marriage will provide a more egalitarian model to straight people, one that a lot of us will happily take up.

  8. *snorts* Putting in Magniloquence yields me: “Velvet Love Pocket,” while tossing in my real first name gives me.. Breakfast of Champions. Hah! I was going to go in all sorts of directions with that, but it’s just creepy. And how does one go about being conjoined twins who share a cooter when you’re on different sides of the country anyway?

    (Adding the last name gives me “Easy Bake Oven,” which is the awesomest thing ever, and clearly my girly bits’ True Name.)

    Going off in a completely different (nitpicky) direction, I wonder if spelling it ‘umbridge’ in there is an unconscious Potterism in anticipation of the big book reveal? It grants visions of a big monster (like Godzilla, or a Transformer) with a neatly labeled badge reading: “Bridal Industrial Complex” (in impeccable script, natch.), waving around a squat woman in a pink Chanel suit like a bat. Or a wand.

    …. okay, maybe the ‘weaning off coffee and other stimulants’ thing isn’t working so well, as I am clearly still asleep.

  9. *laughs* It might not be so perfect after all then. If anything, mine’s a little ejector-oven. No pinching, but contents may go flying on occasion.

    *grumbles* Stupid Nuva rings…

  10. I tried to read the BIC article, but I couldn’t get past where she misspelled “premise” just 4 lines in and then misspelled “scandalous” a mere 6 lines later. Not doing a very good job convincing me she’s not a fool…

  11. I just noticed that the google ads on the side of that article are “Same Sex Wedding Jewelry”, “Gay Wedding”, and “Free Gay Online Dating”. *snort*

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