Is that a tiny spittoon?

Either Mack had won the Stanley Cup for miniature hockey or he has a tiny spittoon.

I’ve only been here 51 minutes and already, I have failed as a babysitter and a feminist.  SuperMousey (and is it just me or would it be awesome if her name was SouperMousey?) is having a fight with one of her friends and it seems apparent that, if SuperMousey is right that there seems to be nothing that’s spurred it between the two of them, her friend is trying to push her away and reject her first in order to spare herself the potential pain of losing SuperMousey when they get to middle school.

This had not occurred to SuperMousey at all.

And at first I felt all, well, look at me, Superior Insight Woman!

But now I’m feeling a little ooky about it.  I mean, shoot.  They’re eleven and here I am teaching SuperMousey to reward her friend’s indirectness and bullshitty refusal to talk openly about what’s bugging her.

These bullshit ways between us women, they start so young.

I’m also still mulling over this whole country music thing.  There’s an element there of this notion that a whole lot of people in this country believe that they have the right to live in an unchanging community that reflects their values and beliefs, no matter how wrong those beliefs are.

And I think what irritates me about commercial country music is its willingness to sell to those people back to them that same idea–that they have that right–even as the people doing the selling don’t believe it.  If there’s a reason good music doesn’t get heard on the radio, I do believe that that’s part of the reason.

I don’t know.  I guess this is where we go strolling through the ugly, unkempt part of my liberal, feminist garden, because, while I do believe we should tolerate everyone and try to really hear what they’re saying and treat it with some respect, there are just ways of being in the world that I think are clearly wrong and stupid.

If you think it’s okay for a dude in a bar to put a girl in the hospital just because you can’t tell if she’s a boy or a girl, then you are an idiot and I’m not sure I actually have any obligation to put up with that nonsense or to act as if it’s just one more valid opinion among many others.  For instance.

So, I guess I’m not the tolerant fount of tolerance I pass myself off as being.

I do try, though.  Most of the time.

7 thoughts on “Is that a tiny spittoon?

  1. And I think what irritates me about commercial country music is its willingness to sell to those people back to them that same idea–that they have that right–even as the people doing the selling don’t believe it. If there’s a reason good music doesn’t get heard on the radio, I do believe that that’s part of the reason.

    I agree. I mean, really…one of Shania’s disbeliefs when she came to Nashville was that writers actually make meeting appointments to write together. I’m still trying to figure out how you can make an appointment to turn on the inspiration like a water faucet, and put out a quality product.

    No, most of them use a “formula” for creating, and it shows in what’s being put out into the market.

  2. If your feminism insists that humans have a right to dignity and justice, then I don’t see the big contradiction. Refusing to tolerate violations of those basic right is, in that case, fundamental to having feminism as an interpretive lens. You don’t have an obligation to see this behavior as value-neutral. I heard what he was saying and it was not only stupid, but it was actively harmful and I have a duty to try to lessen that kind of harm in the world, I think.

    However, even if I think the aggressor acted like an idiot, I want him to be able to rely on the same bedrock claim to justice that I’d want for myself, So, while I believe that he has committed a hateful act that is criminal (on the basis of what I’ve read), I also think that I should leave it to our judicial system to sort out the evidence, determine his guilt or innocence, and mete out punishment rather than taking him out behind the bar and kicking the shit out of him. For me, it’s less about tolerance and more about fair play.

  3. These bullshit ways between us women, they start so young.

    Guys do the exact same things as what you’re describing, and at the same age. They may verbalize less about it, but they do it. Why take the responsibility all onto women? People act like this.

    I’m also still mulling over this whole country music thing. There’s an element there of this notion that a whole lot of people in this country believe that they have the right to live in an unchanging community that reflects their values and beliefs, no matter how wrong those beliefs are.

    And I think what irritates me about commercial country music is its willingness to sell to those people back to them that same idea–that they have that right

    I dunno. I think this is the only thing that commercial country radio has left to sell to men. a couple of years ago, all the guys were trying to sound all Waylon Jennings. You had Waylon chords and Waylon posturing. But Waylon used to stand up and be a man; these guys are all about the look and the bluster but they have no strength. (I sort of see Toby Keith as an exception to this. I mean, he’s all bluster, for sure, but he’s doing it out of his own personality — and with his own voice and sound — and not as an imitator of anyone. If he only had half the brains that he has voice.)

    But I think radio is selling something very different to women: empowerfullness, to use Twisty’s term. The fake uplift of the approved women’s power ballads and the fake empathy of the Keith Urban-type love songs blend into something out of a bad romance novel. I have a bit of hope that what, say, Josh Turner is presenting is real empathy; he certainly has the Conway Twitty thing going for him plus he’s a lot better looking. But when women present real strength instead of empowerfullness, they get nowhere. Gretchen Wilson has a great record out, full of songs that sound to me like something genuine adult women can relate to. And it goes nowhere, in terms of radio play.

    If you think it’s okay for a dude in a bar to put a girl in the hospital just because you can’t tell if she’s a boy or a girl, then you are an idiot and I’m not sure I actually have any obligation to put up with that nonsense or to act as if it’s just one more valid opinion among many others. For instance.

    But that’s part of equating manliness with bluster, no?

  4. Not to be impertinent, but …

    But now it’s ALL fuckin’ country tunes
    And fuckin’ hot air balloons!
    It’s a blind, deaf, and dumb parade
    a crucifixional crusade!

    …snippet from imaginary protest song about the moral rectitude freaks.

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