Being a radical leftist feminist communist lesbian baby-killer, I mostly interact with men just to have sex with them so that I can abort the resulting pregnancies and laugh with all my girlfriends at how much their penises resembled tiny fungi while I vote Democrat and plot the overthrow of the Republican party here in Tennessee all while baking Egalia cakes shaped like yonis. So, I don’t really understand y’all.
See, there’s this politician here in Tennessee who’s going through some stuff and done something incredibly dumbass for which he probably needs to take some time off to either spend it in jail or getting his head on straight or both. He’s a Democrat.
So, of course, the Republican bloggers are all gleeful about his downfall. I understand that.
Here’s what I need help with. Is David Oatney yanking his readers’ chains?
See, it’s just that I’m not sure how it works with Republicans. With Democrats, if you want to sleep with someone, you either say, “Hey, seriously, I’d like to fuck you. It’s all I can do to not fuck you right now and I think, by the way you’re looking at me, that you might want to fuck me, too, and, as it turns out, I’ve got some time right now. What about you?” or you get drunk and flash them and hope they get the idea.
But Republicans have secret foot-taps and secret meth-addled hookers and secret meeting places and secret mistresses and secret secrets and so I’m just not sure if Oatney is attempting to make a legitimate point or if he’s sore that Briley never asked him out.
In the “attempting to make a legitimate point” column we have:
1. Oatney’s married.
2. Come on! Campfield might be a dick, but he’s better looking than Briley. If you were going to be sore about a state legislator refusing to play “cock fight” with you, wouldn’t you crush on Campfield long before Briley?
3. Um, yeah, really all I have is those two.
In the “signaling to fellas ‘on the downlow'” column there’s:
1. His objection to Briley’s “prudish” behavior.
2. His favorable noting of another Democrat’s “being fond of mattresses.”
3. His favorable noting of men who will take him out to dinner.
4. And that’s it.
So, see, it’s entirely possible that Oatney wrote that whole column legitimately attempting to criticize Briley’s actions. My mind could just be in the gutter.
But I don’t know! What’s wrong with being “prudish”?