Weird Confessions

–If I think too much about it, I get unnerved by the number of nipples in my house at any given time.

–I hate stickers, especially nonshiny ones, like price tags, and I am deathly afraid of getting them in my mouth.

–As much as I like Cute Overload, it personally offends me every time I go there and don’t see a picture of Mrs. Wigglebottom, even though I have done nothing to take a picture of Mrs. Wigglebottom at her cutest and submit it, which, I guess, is my way of saying that, though I don’t want my government spying on me, I would kind of be okay with Cute Overload spying on my dog.

10 thoughts on “Weird Confessions

  1. Pingback: Big Nipples Blog » Blog Archive » Tiny Cat Pants: Weird Confessions

  2. B, I know I shouldn’t encourage you in this. But I have to — really, I am compelled to — ask whether you always have a mental tally of in-house nipples sitting in your subconscious waiting to be accessed. And, while I’m sure it includes household domestic animals’ nipples as a given, do you, if you (for instance) see a mouse, mentally recalculate?

  3. See! Isn’t that part of the problem? Male mice don’t have nipples. So, not only are there twenty-eight nipples in our house at any given time that I know of, there’s some indeterminate number of nipples on the mammals that are not seen.

  4. But what about Mrs. Wigglebottom? I don’t think B wants to trade her in for a Komodo Dragon, but there are some very nice dog robots out there now.

  5. – I think you haven’t submitted a photo of Mrs. W to Cute Overload because you knew it would blow up their servers and then NOBODY could enjoy it. Your server, though, is equipped to handle her admirers. Plus, we know to wear safety goggles.

    That’s not to say you shouldn’t give Meg a chance to share the joy that is Mrs. W, though.

    – Make the Butcher remove all price tags from all items entering the house before you put them in your mouth. And for anyone who surreptitiously adds price tags to items already in the house, say, “What is WRONG with you?”

    (Notice that I did not address the other issue because I just am not going there.)

  6. No, goodness no. But I honestly did figure that the ovewhelming majority of nipples in your house are ones that you don’t, under any circumstances, put into your mouth.

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